• The unprofessional professional

    Let’s be honest, I’m not particularly good at this whole ‘professional author’ gig. The truth is, I’m not entirely sure I am one anyway, and I certainly won’t feel like I’m cresting that little hill until I hold my book in my hands. As I write this, my debut novel should have been out for four days (by the original plan) but due to some jiggery-pokery at my wonderful publishers, we have another few months to wait. So here I am, filling time until the release, wondering what it is ‘professional authors’ even do.

    Apparently, author photographs are a thing… so I had a crack at that. All I can say is thank god for my mate, Pam, who is a(n actual professional) photographer because holy hell, I was not a professional photographee (is that even a word?)

    This all came about because I started interacting in little ‘author worlds’ with people who actually are authors and they all had spanky shiny photographs on their various profiles. I, on the other hand, have a profile pic in which I’m a bit hammered and halfway down a Long Island Iced Tea… and a website ‘logo’ that looks like two deformed pigeons playing hide and seek (and with missing legs!) The publishers website looks like they’ve invited the works experience kid to play along with them… so we did something about it.

    Pam is a legend. There’s a whole history there that I won’t go into but suffice to say, a few Sundays ago Pam and her lovely family rocked up at our place with all the gear and we had a blast. I’d cheekily asked Pam if she had a rock star kind of ‘rider’ – you know, requests for food and beer etc – she replied with ‘pulled lamb sliders, craft beer and purple MnMs’.

    The only thing I couldn’t find was purple MnMs!

    We had a ball! We drank craft beer, we ate sliders, and Pam worked her magic while I continued to drink and take the piss… because I am the unprofessional professional.

    Last week, I got a batch of photographs through from Pam and despite the subject matter being me, they’re really fun. This is batch one of two. Pretty soon I’m going to have to pick which ones I’m going to use for where. Any suggestions?

    (You can check out Pam’s amazing work at https://www.pjbphotography.com.au/)


↓ ↓ ↓ HERE BE MORE PONDERINGS ↓ ↓ ↓

  • Flibbertygibbets and jiggerypokery

    A lot has happened in a short space of time so I thought I’d write a little post to let everyone know what the flibbertygibbets is going on. – The Book and the Blade has a new release date – February 28th, 2023. I’ve known for quite a while that this was going to happen … Continue reading Flibbertygibbets and jiggerypokery

  • A creature of habit or a writer of little imagination

    Proper authors get asked questions like “what is your writing routine?” or “how do you fit writing into your day?” or “how do you get motived?” As an imposter I thought it would be interesting to explore my own routine a little (such as it is). It’s nothing fancy… I have long periods of doing … Continue reading A creature of habit or a writer of little imagination

  • Whoring myself out to publishers…

    The wonderful thing about being a writer is the joy you get from putting your heart and soul into a piece of work, spending hours, days, weeks, years poring over it, making it as amazing as possible, as perfect as possible, getting it polished and ready to hand out to the world and then giving … Continue reading Whoring myself out to publishers…

  • A few things…

    There are now less than seven weeks to go until The Book and the Blade is released into the wild so I thought I’d write a little post in order to give some updates. – pre-orders for the ebook are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Booktopia, Kobo and more – pre-orders for hardback and … Continue reading A few things…

  • Premature ejaculation

    Premature Adjective Occurring or done before the usual or proper time; too early. Ejaculation Noun Something said quickly and suddenly. I’ve had a habit of this my whole life (stop giggling and get your mind out of the gutter. We’re using the Queen’s English here). What I mean is, I regularly do or say something … Continue reading Premature ejaculation

  • In Terms of Terms This is it!

    MY BOOK COMES OUT THIS TERM! As a teacher by day (and a barely functioning man-child by night) much of my life is controlled by bells, schedules and timetables. Even now, during the school holidays, I have a Pavlovian response to sniff out the nearest coffee at 8:15, 10:55 and 3:01, but it’s not just … Continue reading In Terms of Terms This is it!

  • How’s the writing going?

    I get asked this a lot. It’s nice. It’s also a wee bit depressing when the answer is, has been, and will probably continue to be… it isn’t. I have a “work in progress” but instead of my usual all-consuming attacking the keyboard like a starving dog going at a bag of hot chips I’m … Continue reading How’s the writing going?

  • Meet me at the horse’s arse – inspiration

    “Where do you get your ideas from?” This is a question that crops up a lot when people find out I write silly little books. And when they actually read those books and realise just how bloody silly they are the question takes on a whole new inflection. No longer simply curious, more… concerned. “So, … Continue reading Meet me at the horse’s arse – inspiration

  • Smile like you mean it

    I’m broke, but I’m happy. I’m poor, but I’m kind. I’m not short, but I’m not particularly healthy either. For a few weeks now I’ve been living on a prayer and trying my hardest to keep the faith as I am not ready to go down in a blaze of glory just yet. I ain’t … Continue reading Smile like you mean it