The unprofessional professional
Let’s be honest, I’m not particularly good at this whole ‘professional author’ gig. The truth is, I’m not entirely sure I am one anyway, and I certainly won’t feel like I’m cresting that little hill until I hold my book in my hands. As I write this, my debut novel should have been out for four days (by the original plan) but due to some jiggery-pokery at my wonderful publishers, we have another few months to wait. So here I am, filling time until the release, wondering what it is ‘professional authors’ even do.
Apparently, author photographs are a thing… so I had a crack at that. All I can say is thank god for my mate, Pam, who is a(n actual professional) photographer because holy hell, I was not a professional photographee (is that even a word?)
This all came about because I started interacting in little ‘author worlds’ with people who actually are authors and they all had spanky shiny photographs on their various profiles. I, on the other hand, have a profile pic in which I’m a bit hammered and halfway down a Long Island Iced Tea… and a website ‘logo’ that looks like two deformed pigeons playing hide and seek (and with missing legs!) The publishers website looks like they’ve invited the works experience kid to play along with them… so we did something about it.
Pam is a legend. There’s a whole history there that I won’t go into but suffice to say, a few Sundays ago Pam and her lovely family rocked up at our place with all the gear and we had a blast. I’d cheekily asked Pam if she had a rock star kind of ‘rider’ – you know, requests for food and beer etc – she replied with ‘pulled lamb sliders, craft beer and purple MnMs’.
The only thing I couldn’t find was purple MnMs!
We had a ball! We drank craft beer, we ate sliders, and Pam worked her magic while I continued to drink and take the piss… because I am the unprofessional professional.
Last week, I got a batch of photographs through from Pam and despite the subject matter being me, they’re really fun. This is batch one of two. Pretty soon I’m going to have to pick which ones I’m going to use for where. Any suggestions?
(You can check out Pam’s amazing work at https://www.pjbphotography.com.au/)
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I’ve always been fascinated by regression… going back to those things we find comfort in particularly when times are hard. There’s a psychological basis for it I’m sure but I won’t pretend to know what I’m talking about there. For me, it’s as simple as comfort food, comfort tv and comfort books. Last week I … Continue reading [engaging headline to encourage people to read] →
All Hail Emperor Bezos and Bow Down Before the Amazon Overlords!
There is no getting around it. Very soon I will have to get on my knees like everyone else in the world and beg for scraps at the feet of Emperor Bezos. As much as I would love The Book and the Blade to be 100% indie… only available in small shops with quirky cafes … Continue reading All Hail Emperor Bezos and Bow Down Before the Amazon Overlords! →
I will eviscerate you in fiction!
Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity. Geoffrey Chaucer (sort of) One of the fun things about writing a book you think pretty much no one will read is putting all your friends and family in there and ending their lives in new and imaginative ways. … Continue reading I will eviscerate you in fiction! →
Zombies, ghosts and nunchucks. What shenaniganary is this?!
Yes, that’s a word (maybe) A short post here, ladies and gents… I wrote a daft zombie story set in the 90s. A kid dies and comes back as a ghost while his body reanimates as a zombie. He then spends the night trying to summon his inner Patrick Swayze in order to stop the … Continue reading Zombies, ghosts and nunchucks. What shenaniganary is this?! →
Ask me anything… (sort of)
Well, ladies and gents, I’ve managed to get this website up and running and I’ve made sure all the links work (and go precisely where they’re meant to). So far, it’s all tip-top and shiny. So, I wanted to draw your attention to a couple of new links I added just now. These two… That’s … Continue reading Ask me anything… (sort of) →
A spanking new website!
Things are happening, folks! First of all, the countdown to the book release is on. At the time of writing, there are 149 days left! I also had an exceptionally cool meeting with my amazing editor yesterday but I can’t really dish the goss on that one yet other than to say she is a … Continue reading A spanking new website! →
Judge a book by its cover!
It has no doubt become abundantly clear to anyone who saved this website (and there are a few of you – sorry) that I’m absolutely rubbish at keeping it updated. Well, here’s one for you… The Book and the Blade has a cover! Remember, beautiful people… sharing is caring
That was some year! (written in June 2021)
It has been just over a year since I woke up one morning to an email from some lovely people in The States who told me they wanted to publish my little book. A year! 2020. Nothing much happened there, right? Just an ordinary, boring, humdrum kind of year. So I thought I’d let you … Continue reading That was some year! (written in June 2021) →
It’s easy to get a publisher, right?
It turns out I keep this online diary almost as consistently as I keep my personal diary, i.e. hardly ever. This is quite normal for me. I seem to work in flurries of madness separated by long periods of nothing. Well, I say nothing, but the old noggin is always ticking over. It’s like a … Continue reading It’s easy to get a publisher, right? →