Almost there…

For anyone keeping track, Reindeer Games has just been uploaded for publication on Amazon. This is where we currently stand…

I’ve added it for the lowest price I can across all markets but I’ve also enrolled the silly bloody thing in Kindle Select, which means it is exclusive to Amazon. More importantly, this means I can flog it off for free for 5 days.

So, all being well, Reindeer Games will be ready for public consumption on about the 20th December and will be free until Christmas Day.

I’m not going to lie, I have not taken this entirely seriously (Shocking! Says everyone who knows me) I wrote the damn thing in 3 days and edited in a week or so with the help of some legends… Bri, Erica, Amy and Kel. Look for your names in the acknowledgements section at the back of the book ladies 🤣

I also played fast and loose with the wording on the copyright page (I mean, it wanted me to say that all characters are fictitious, but it’s a story about Santa! I just couldn’t do it).

If you’re still undecided about this crap or this is the first you’ve heard of it, here is the opener…

Absolute nonsense, I know.

But hey, if you’re stuck for a present idea for someone, it is free… they don’t have to know that!

In all honesty, if you do read my silly little rambling, please take a moment to pop a rating or review on Amazon. It’ll really help in February when my real book is published. And hey, here’s a time-saving tip for you… instead of giving me 5 one-star reviews, just combine them into 1 five-star review. I’ll know what you mean!

Cheers!

Reindeer Games

Nothing says Happy Christmas quite like a novella about Santa’s reindeers being brutally murdered, right? Well, if that’s in anyway up your street then have I got the story for you… maybe?

Reindeer Games will be published a few days before Christmas this year.

Honest truth, I got a little bored of waiting for my books to be published (still very excited but it has been a very long time… I’m looking at you, covid!) so I decided to self publish something a bit daft. A Christmas story with a twist.

The plan is to give it away for free as much as I possibly can but I’m kind of bound by Emperor Bezos and his world conquering librarians… it’s going to be published as an ebook on Amazon, which allows me to set a promo period where I can charge whatever I like, and so I intend to charge… nothing. This is limited to 5 days though so once it’s done it’s done and Reindeer Games will skyrocket in price… I’m thinking a dollar fifty? Either way, it’s something a little fun, a little festive, and fairly violent to sink your teeth into if you fancy a quick read.

I’ll keep you posted.

Cheers!

Smile like you mean it

I’m broke, but I’m happy. I’m poor, but I’m kind. I’m not short, but I’m not particularly healthy either. For a few weeks now I’ve been living on a prayer and trying my hardest to keep the faith as I am not ready to go down in a blaze of glory just yet. I ain’t got a fever, or a permanent disease but it’s gonna take more than my doctor to prescribe a remedy… which is why I’ve been struggling to be a regular working class man. I had two weeks off work (though it was no summer holiday) while I got my head checked (and various other bits and bobs… remember kids, just because it feels good, doesn’t make it right) but so far, I have no answers. Hells bells, I even told the witch doctor, but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. All my life I’ve been healthy but these days it feels a little like I’m on a long road to ruin, but you know what, I’m a paperback writer! As my wife says, I always make something from nothing and I’m happy to report that I’m already on the mend. For a while now, though, I haven’t been able to do anything. I can’t dance, I can’t talk. The only thing about me is the way that I walk. I think it’s been one week since you looked at me. Ain’t that a kick in the head! But I’m nothing if not Mr Brightside. I rested up, asked the doctor to give me the news, and got by with a little help from my friends.

I went back to the old 9 to 5… and I feel fine.

Then it all changed… again.

Imagine!

Somebody told me all these things that I’d done – specifically, the zombie book I wrote – was no good. Because, Mr Writer, you can’t legally reproduce song lyrics! Honestly, it was like a kiss with a fist! That book is FULL of lyrics. So much so, I might as well try to rewrite the stars. It’s not as though it’s a simple book about a girl or anything. It’s a full on zombie-ghost-hybrid novel and each chapter is the title of a song. Each one can stand on its own two feet and be so vain as to think that song is about it, because it is!

(that was a stretch wasn’t it)

I’m gutted.

Disturbed even.

A true heartbreaker. You were gonna go far, kid!

But the show must go on! Rock and roll dreams come through and I thrive under pressure. Now that I feel fine, it looks like I’ve got a lot of editing to do. Don’t stop me now!

There is the argument, of course, that instead of going through changes, what I got could be a real firestarter, but I don’t want to be caught by the fuzz. Because here’s the thing, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you.

So, how do you edit a full novel completely embedded with song lyrics in order to take all those song lyrics out and not fall foul of the copyright gods and yet still maintain the essence of the story while writing a sarcastic, song-lyric-laden blog post in the car in the pouring rain while waiting for your daughter to finish her drama class?

A kind of magic!

I just wish I had a Pina Colada.

Thanks for reading… how many references did you pick up?

Zombies, ghosts and nunchucks. What shenaniganary is this?!

Yes, that’s a word (maybe)

A short post here, ladies and gents… I wrote a daft zombie story set in the 90s. A kid dies and comes back as a ghost while his body reanimates as a zombie. He then spends the night trying to summon his inner Patrick Swayze in order to stop the damn thing eating all his loved ones and kickstarting the zombie apocalypse. Erm, in Redcar. My hometown. S

So, yeah. Really high-brow stuff.

But someone wants to publish it! 🤣

I got the official letter today. So watch this space for zombies, ghosts and erm… nunchucks.