Or, more accurately, I’m up to something. If you see a little red-headed blue fella anywhere on my website, he’s worth a poke. If you do happen to give him a nudge, you’ll find yourself magically transported back in time (or to another page, but what is life without a little whimsy?)
Here you’ll find something that looks a bit like this…
It should be familiar to people of a certain generation and a quick look around this faux-MySpace page will drop one or two more clues for upcoming shenanigans.
For the next [insert length of time] I will be making daily TikTok, Reels, and videos on Stories, plus Instagram posts, Facebook posts and the occasional blog post here.
Some of you already know what I’m up to (because you’re involved in one way or another) and I hope you enjoy the ride.
Tomorrow is the 23rd of July 2024 and the day my second novel will be released into the wild. To say I’m a little nervous would be an understatement, but I am also very excited. Quite a few people read The Book and the Blade (the first in the Arthur Crazy series) and the reviews are (mostly) positive… except for one bloke who took exception to the fact the main character smokes too much and drinks too much. I mean, that’s kind of the point, but reader spaces are for readers, not for writers. He is absolutely entitled to his opinion. But I digress. I wonder if he’ll read what happens next? Probably not.
The Sword and the Hounds follows directly on from the events of The Book and the Blade and tells the story after the story, so to speak. If The Book and the Blade was about Arthur getting to grips with an ability to communicate with the deceased, The Sword and the Hounds is about him coming to terms with the wider implications that the dead (and assorted bit n bobs n beasts) exist in the first place. It is the hangover after the big night out. There are… injuries. There are… gaps.
I wrote The Sword and the Hounds when we lived in York in 2019… just before COVID hit. If nothing else, it is a love-letter to the town of Richmond and the folklore of Yorkshire. As one of the characters expresses…
It’s Yorkshire. We’re all a little pagan around here.
But really it exists because I fell in love with Arthur and I fell in love with writing. Something clicked in me when I wrote The Book and the Blade and I knew I’d never look back. Even if they never see the light of day and no one reads them, I’ll never stop writing these stories. I’m not sure I can. Full disclosure… there are four complete Arthur novels, two complete tie-in novels, one obscure novel ‘set in the same world’, a script for a graphic novel, a half-written plan for the fifth, and a series of random notes for the sixth and seventh. If you’re along for the ride… it’s a long one… and it’s going to get bumpy! I hope you enjoy it!
But therein lies the rub… Amazon are not making it easy for people (mainly in Australia) to access my books. The price is astronomical and there is nothing my publisher and I can do about it… other than direct you elsewhere.
That’s the who (me), the what (The Sword and the Hounds), and the when (tomorrow) taken care of so now for the ‘where‘.
In a perfect world… your local independent bookshop. The more mysterious and confusing (and possibly a little creepy) the better. One of those old type of bookshops that vanishes like the emporium in the movie, Gremlins. You know what I mean… with corridors and stairs and hidden rooms that will eat you given half a chance. You go in aged 21 and come out with white hair and a sack full of books. Perfect. But if you don’t have one of them… please try my publisher… Parliament House Press. They distribute worldwide.
If you’re in Brisbane, I know Books@Stones have copies of The Book and the Blade in stock… and if they’re still there this time next week they’ll be signed (if they let me scribble in them) and they also have an online listing for The Sword and the Hounds. You’ll be able to order it in and support a local business at the same time. And THAT is the why! Galactic Overlord Bezos can’t have everything, surely!
Any local bookshop should be able to order The Sword and the Hounds… and in a perfect world, if enough people do, they might consider a permanent stock.
One last note for those in the U.K. – – – and this made me do a little happy dance. W.H. Smiths have an online listing for The Sword and the Hounds! That is an absolute dream come true for me! I loved shopping in Smiths when I was a kid (and an adult!) and the thought that you can order my book and pop in to pick it up is the stuff of “pinch-me-I’m-dreaming” fantasy. And I think it all has to do with one dude… the manager of Smiths in Richmond. He was really keen to get the book on the shelf and so we chatted a bit and he took my details. I called him yesterday to say thanks when I noticed the online listing (horrifyingly getting his surname wrong because I’m a forgetful nobhead) and, bizarrely, he said he wasn’t sure it was him. He has begun discussion with head office but couldn’t remember if he’d passed on my name or the name of the book. So… I reckon it is him… it must be… but if it isn’t, that means my little book got on the list at Smith organically. Which is also exceptionally cool. But I include this little anecdote because it illustrates something really important that hits every part of who, what, when, where, and why… every aspect of what I might call success has been achieved thanks to other people. People who read, who support, who encourage, who advise, who critique, and even people who tell me my characters smoke too much.
So, I’ll end this by saying a very heartfelt thank you to you all. If you’re reading this, I have no doubt that I owe you a debt of gratitude. Thank you!
Here’s looking forward to tomorrow and all the days after!
Cheers!
Al
(I promise not to be too needy and metaphorically read over your shoulder over the coming weeks. Well, I’ll try really hard!)
Let me preface this by saying reviews are for readers, not for writers. As much as we needy pen-pushers are desperate for them and exceedingly grateful anytime a person takes the time to write a few words about our books, it’s not really our space to be in. Once a book is out in the wild, it no longer belongs to the author. Reviews are designed to inform other readers about a person’s thoughts and opinions on a book, and whether or not they believe it is worth picking up. The author has no control over that and nor should they.
A little caveat here, there is a trend in some circles of the indie book world to tag authors in negative reviews, and I’ve even seen some reviewers demand authors change aspects of the novel in certain ways because “it’ll be better”. Please don’t do that. That’s a dick move. Once the book is out there, it’s out there. For better or worse.
And that brings me to the point of this little blog post. As much as I firmly believe in what I wrote above, I am also one of those needy pen-pushers desperate for validation and you better believe I’ve read every single review of everything I’ve ever written.
It’s a sort of Catch-22 narcissism. Who’d be a writer, right?
First of all, thank you! Thank you so much to every single person who has read my stuff, and an extra special thanks with a cherry on the top if you left a review… it means the world to me, but I want to talk about the worst review I got. No, not the one that simply said “do not read this.” That one was magic! This was a review that went into a bit more detail.
Essentially, the reviewer didn’t think the book was funny, and that’s his prerogative. It kind of reminds me of Jimmy Carr when someone heckled, “when does the comedy start?” It’s all subjective, if you don’t think something is funny then it isn’t. And that’s unfortunate. As Jimmy said, “you’ve paid the price, bought the ticket, you didn’t like it, you’ve had a disaster. Life is unfair.” Or something like that. I can’t fault that. But then the reviewer went on to say that the main character, Arthur, is a heavy drinker and smoker and therefore not really deserving of sympathy, and again, that’s totally fair. But to me, that’s the whole point of Arthur, and indeed, the whole point of much of what I write.
I love putting ordinary people into extraordinary circumstances and seeing how they handle it.
Arthur isn’t supposed to be sympathetic. He’s a bit of a nob, really. He’s selfish in many ways and he has a lot of vices. He’s definitely narcissistic and yes, he drinks too much, and smokes too much, but he is just a man, and like all men, he is actually still the same confused little boy he always was, just trapped now in a man’s body in a supposedly adult world. Arthur is a man who finds himself suddenly surrounded by ghosts, and demons, and utterly bizarre circumstances when all he really wants to do is have a Cajun Chicken Panini and go home.
SPOILERS
At the end of The Book and the Blade, after Arthur’s world has gone completely tits up, he goes running home to his mum and dad… and that’s where The Sword and the Hounds comes in. The sequel, due for publication on the 23rd July by the lovely people at Parliament House Press, finds Arthur still living at home six months later and trying to make sense of the world. Does he still drink too much? Does he still smoke too much? Is he still a bit of a dick? Well, you’ll have to wait and see. But the dead aren’t done with him yet so hopefully he’s learned a thing or two.
There are a total of four Arthur books (and I’m working on more) and if he was the same in all of them I think it would be a bit boring because that’s not how life works. He should grow, he should develop and mature, but also, he’s bound to relapse and fall into old habits occasionally, right? After all, he is just an ordinary bloke trying his best.
Like all of us, really.
So, thank you to the reviewer for reading The Book and the Blade and taking the time to leave a review. I’m sorry it wasn’t really for you, but you can’t win them all.
And here’s to everyone who read it and enjoyed it… thank you… with cherries on top!
Strap in… there’s a lot more to come!
Cheers,
Al
Oh, and if you’re interested, I also waffle on about this sort of stuff over on TikTok. I know, it’s a young person’s game over there, but it’s really just me talking shit while walking my dog.
It has been an interesting few weeks to say the least… Arthur was published on 28th Feb, we had an amazing book launch on 11th March, I threw Albert into the world on the 26th March, work ended on Friday, and I got sick Friday night (this is like the shittiest version of that Craig David song).
On Saturday, I am heading to Emerald to hang around the wonderful new bookshop, Highland Books, and talk a little bit about Arthur… but this morning, I received notification that Australia Post, in their great wisdom, have decided to delay the delivery of my author copies by a week. No reason. No explanation. Just a mocking little green badge that says ‘On Time’. On time, my arse! So, there’s a very real chance I will be heading to a book signing with ONE copy of The Book and the Blade (the reason for the signing in the first place!) and ten copies of Albert the Great Australian Dragon (the daft, local story I self-published for a laugh).
When I ordered author copies in the past, they have always arrived within a week. This time, I placed the order over two weeks ago… so there is still a small chance it’ll work out… but it’s also Australia Post, so who knows?
For those of you in the UK, Australia Post is basically the same as Royal Mail… in EVERY way.
All I can do now is… wait. What’s that old poem? Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to not jump on Twitter and call Australia Post a bunch of twats…
There is literally nothing I can do to make things work out. So, I might as well write, right? At least I can control the things that happen on the page… but even that isn’t entirely true. Yesterday, a main character in my wip died under my tippy-tappy fingertips and I didn’t see it coming. It is a very strange moment indeed when your brain slowly catches up with the words appearing on the screen and you realise where the end of the sentence is heading. I didn’t plan on killing he/she/it. And I certainly didn’t plan on it happening in such a brutal and sudden fashion (I’m pretty sure I used the words fucking eviscerated). It really works though. It’s a good scene, it made me chuckle, but honestly, it’s really buggered the rest of the story. Where the hell do I go now he/she/it is dead?
So that’s what I’m going to focus on today… where to take a 50k word story now one of the main characters is spread all over the ceiling… you know, the things I can (mostly) control.
But if anyone knows the secret cheat code to make Australia Post work more efficiently, I’d really appreciate a whisper in the ear.
I feel like I’ve missed a trick with The Book and the Blade. It would seem that I did not get the memo regarding the standard structure of novel titles in the contemporary market. Absolutely everything seems to be some combination of A____ of_____ and _______ , and with less than ten days to go it is probably a wee bit late to change things.
A Book of Shadow and Blades?
A City of Drunks and Deceased?
A Blade of Sharp and Pointy?
A Man of Inebriated Regret?
A Midnight Panini of Cajun Chicken and Cheese? (Now THAT’S an in-joke I squeezed into the book for a small number of people!)
Well, folks, regardless of marketing reservations it is officially too late to do anything about it now. The Book and the Blade will be released to the world on February 28th of this year… just 9 short days away at the time of my writing this! To say I’m a tad excited would be like saying Trump was a little bit controversial, but it is an excitement heavily tempered by a creeping pessimism. Imposter syndrome really is a kick in the tits. If it wasn’t for my best friend and amazing wife (same person…also my biggest critic…in a good way!) I would have already closed the door so to speak. It is a really odd thing to write a book…to put everything out there, to create something new you hope people love, and then to tie yourself in knots at the thought of people actually reading the damn thing! With that in mind, it is perhaps no surprise I have let things get this close to release day without doing a damn thing about it.
Kel has different ideas.
Last night, while we waited for our daughter on her first official date no less (where did that time go?!) I officially gave in to my wife’s polite suggestions for a launch party…so now things are going to happen. It’ll be in Brisbane…somewhere. The Saturday after the release date…sometime. And I promise I’ll turn up…maybe.
All jokes aside, it has been an amazing (and stressful) few weeks…writing, editing, doing interviews, checking final proofs, panicking, hyperventilating, drinking…and, of course, unboxing my debut novel!
I hope that if you buy it, you enjoy it, or at the very least, don’t hate it so much you start a campaign against the author that goes viral and he never works in this town again and gets sacked from his day job for bringing the English language into disrepute and is then bundled out of Australia by immigration because they just can’t tolerate such amateurish shite on these sun-drenched shores and then his wife leaves him for being such a failure and his kids change their names to completely disassociate and he ends up selling moody-gold from the back of a car on a racecourse market where he rummages through the discarded betting slips for that one small glimmer of hope (or because he can’t afford toilet paper and needs must) and then he wanders off into the mountains only to be found in a bush hugging a tattered copy of the Beano that reminds him of his shattered hopes and dreams.
This is the story that happens when you think sod it, let’s write the daftest thing we can think of and tie it in to all our teenage memories. Rock Zombie is a novel about a young lad drinking at the Beach Park on Redcar seafront… he dies… he comes back as a ghost… but his body also reanimates as a zombie. The spirit of Robbie Neville then spends the rest of the night trying to stop his body from eating everyone and causing a zombie outbreak in the streets, pubs and clubs of the author’s hometown. Cast your mind back to your first real night out (in the 90s no less) – only instead of navigating the social labyrinth of short skirts, Kickers shoes and tracksuit-clad scallies, you’re dealing with an unstoppable wave of the walking dead.
Okay, I guess they are kind of the same thing.
Rock Zombie was probably the most fun I have had writing a book. Many of my stories are littered with subtle (and not so subtle) references to pop culture and music but this one wears them all on its ragged, teeth-marked sleeve. In fact, there are so many references I had to do a number of edits because it simply wasn’t possible to get copyright permission to use all the song lyrics. Each chapter of Rock Zombie is the title of a classic tune from the 90s (here’s the playlist). Robbie Neville is, after all, a wannabe rock star who models his look on those of a certain well-known grunge icon. In fact, when we meet him, he is riding the wave of his new-found, small-town celebrity status after appearing on ITV’s Stars in Their Eyes.
Tonight, Matthew. I’m going to be… Kurt Cobain!
For those of you who aren’t British or have no memory of the 90s, Stars in Their Eyes was like the pre-cursor to Britain’s Got Talent, Ex-Factor and The Voice. It was basically a karaoke dress-up show where people splashed on a bit of make-up, revealed themselves via a smoky stage, and sang one song… before returning to their lives never to be seen again.
But it’s amazing what a person can get away with when they’ve been on TV… even in the 90s… even if they’re now a zombie.
So, yeah. This daft little book found a publisher and is due for release pretty soon. I figured I’d write this short post as an introduction because the honest truth is, I don’t really know what is happening. I received an email before Christmas saying the date was set for the end of January but as I haven’t read anything, seen anything, or signed anything I’m not entirely sure what is going on. In my short experience though I can say that the publishing world is full of these little foibles and so I’m just going to wait and see. Hell, if it doesn’t happen I’ll try again and if it still doesn’t happen there’s always the Reindeer Games route of self-publishing. But with only a few weeks to go I figured I should at least try something in the way of advertising.
What a crazy end to the year it has been! My first novel, THE BOOK AND THE BLADE, was originally slated for release in September of this year but of course that didn’t happen for a myriad of reasons. The new publication date is the 28th February, 2023, which bizarrely means my “debut” novel will in fact be my third!
That’s right, due to the self-publication of my ridiculous christmas horror novel – REINDEER GAMES – and the news I just received that ROCK ZOMBIE will be published at the end of January 2023, it turns out I’ll have three books out in the wild before I turn 41!
I know what you’re thinking, Oh bugger! That’s too much Al in such a short space of time! Well, now you know how my poor wife and kids feel! 🤣
In all honesty though, I’m chuffed to bits. I never thought Reindeer Games would get much traction (and by big boy standards, it hasn’t) but I was really stoked when it sold over 100 copies. Right now, that number is slowly creeping towards 150. So, thank you to everyone who downloaded and read it!
Link opens Amazon
The Book and the Blade is the story I’ve had in my head for over 20 years and I can’t wait for you to read it. The basic premise is a guy gets drunk and sees ghosts but he’s so drunk he doesn’t know they’re ghosts. There’s obviously a lot more to it but that’s the start 🤣 It is being published by the wonderful people at Parliament House Press in the US and is part of a four book series.
Link opens Amazon
And Rock Zombie is a story about a young man who dies and comes back as a ghost AND a zombie. That’s right, his body reanimates and his ghost has to follow it around trying to stop it from eating people. This one has a killer soundtrack as it’s set in the 90s. In fact, each chapter is the title of a famous song from the time. Here’s the playlist…
Opens in Spotify
There is a mock-up book cover but the real deal has yet to be finalised. Rock Zombie is being published in the UK by Britain’s Next Bestseller who are based in my hometown of Redcar where the story is set, which is wonderfully serendipitous. I’m kind of hoping there’ll be time to arrange a book cover design by the amazing Hello Moon Creative, who is a tattoo artist from Redcar. Keeping it local! (But available everywhere!)
So that’s it, exciting times ahead but of course the year is not over yet. There are a couple of days left where REINDEER GAMES is still available to download for free! That offer runs out at 7pm on Christmas Day if you’re in the AEST zone… 8am Christmas Day in GMT… and 1159pm on Christmas Eve for PST. The link above will take you to the right page (I hope).
Thanks everyone for reading this and reading my silly bollocks. It’s really fun to write such nonsense and send it out into the world. Thank you all and Merry Christmas!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I cocked up big time and my little novella was released into the wild well before I realised what was going on, but here we are… a published novella. Albeit, a published novella about Santa’s reindeer getting murdered but still, I did a thing! Here it is…
I had to put it online for the extortionate sum of $1 but from the 20th to the 24th December it will be free! It’s actually free now for Kindle Unlimited people so go hard, give it a shot, give it away, buy it as a present (they don’t have to know it didn’t cost you anything!) do what you like. Although, if you do read it, please be kind and give it a little review, and remember, one 5 star review is quicker than five 1 star reviews!
For anyone keeping track, Reindeer Games has just been uploaded for publication on Amazon. This is where we currently stand…
I’ve added it for the lowest price I can across all markets but I’ve also enrolled the silly bloody thing in Kindle Select, which means it is exclusive to Amazon. More importantly, this means I can flog it off for free for 5 days.
So, all being well, Reindeer Games will be ready for public consumption on about the 20th December and will be free until Christmas Day.
I’m not going to lie, I have not taken this entirely seriously (Shocking! Says everyone who knows me) I wrote the damn thing in 3 days and edited in a week or so with the help of some legends… Bri, Erica, Amy and Kel. Look for your names in the acknowledgements section at the back of the book ladies 🤣
I also played fast and loose with the wording on the copyright page (I mean, it wanted me to say that all characters are fictitious, but it’s a story about Santa! I just couldn’t do it).
If you’re still undecided about this crap or this is the first you’ve heard of it, here is the opener…
Absolute nonsense, I know.
But hey, if you’re stuck for a present idea for someone, it is free… they don’t have to know that!
In all honesty, if you do read my silly little rambling, please take a moment to pop a rating or review on Amazon. It’ll really help in February when my real book is published. And hey, here’s a time-saving tip for you… instead of giving me 5 one-star reviews, just combine them into 1 five-star review. I’ll know what you mean!
Nothing says Happy Christmas quite like a novella about Santa’s reindeers being brutally murdered, right? Well, if that’s in anyway up your street then have I got the story for you… maybe?
Reindeer Games will be published a few days before Christmas this year.
Honest truth, I got a little bored of waiting for my books to be published (still very excited but it has been a very long time… I’m looking at you, covid!) so I decided to self publish something a bit daft. A Christmas story with a twist.
The plan is to give it away for free as much as I possibly can but I’m kind of bound by Emperor Bezos and his world conquering librarians… it’s going to be published as an ebook on Amazon, which allows me to set a promo period where I can charge whatever I like, and so I intend to charge… nothing. This is limited to 5 days though so once it’s done it’s done and Reindeer Games will skyrocket in price… I’m thinking a dollar fifty? Either way, it’s something a little fun, a little festive, and fairly violent to sink your teeth into if you fancy a quick read.
A.B. Finlayson 