“It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled”

Or rather, it’s been a long time since I wrote a blog post. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. Oh no. Writing is an itch I have to scratch. I’m always writing. Unfortunately, it’s the publishing side of things I struggle with! And the less said about marketing the better.

For example, since my last post I actually released a novella. Now, you’d think I’d make use of this website in order to advertise such a thing, but I only realised this morning I didn’t even have a post. That has since been fixed up and you can now find Egg right there at the top of the homepage. I’m pretty proud of that silly little story. It’s a bit of a love letter to the Alien franchise, to rock music, and to Yorkshire… three of my favourite things.

Now that’s done, I figured a little update might be in order. A stocktake if you will, to let you know where I am and what I’m working on. Or, more realistically, to keep tabs on myself.

The following is a list of books I’ve written and haven’t found a home for…

Never Have I Ever – a YA/NA urban fantasy about a group of friends meeting in their first year of university… a decade after mysterious dark-robed ‘watchers’ appeared throughout the world.

The Last Witch in Brisbane – an urban fantasy set in Brisbane about a young man who discovers he is a witch descended from a long line of European witches originally sent to Australia in a secret ship that followed behind the first fleet.

The Children of the Ninth – MG/YA about the famed Ninth Roman Legion who disappeared from the records sometime after the turn of the millennium. In this story, all the adults of the legion vanish in the north of Britain, leaving their children behind to fight and survive whatever curse hunts them.

William John Park and the NotHereHere – a MG story about a young boy whose family is cursed by a witch. She steals his father and freezes his mother. William has to venture into the magic and fantastical world of his own overgrown back garden to make everything right.

Cleopatra Elizabeth Jones and the NotHereHere – a sequel to the above. This one follows a book-obsessed young girl in Melbourne whose parents barely even know she exists. Her life takes a turn when a witch moves into the neighbourhood.

The Dragoman – historical fantasy set in Egypt during the 1800s. It follows a young man cursed by the jinn as he enters the employ of upper-class English explorers. Together, they search for treasure in the tombs of the ancients but unlock demons instead. This is based on my own ancestor.

Shadows in the Sand – A unit of the famed LRDG find themselves up against an unnatural enemy in the North African desert during WW2. This one is loosely based on my grandfather’s experiences in the war and is perhaps the most important thing I have written (personally speaking).

I Draw the Line at Vampires – Arthur Crazy #4. This one had a publication deal that fell apart. It is the fourth in the Arthur Crazy series of books and sees Arthur (and Steve) taking a business trip to the famously vampiric Whitby. Unlike the other Arthur books, this one is written in the first person (from Arthur’s point of view) as an homage to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. It is by far the longest in the Arthur Crazy series and actually ties the Arthur story into The Dragoman and Shadows in the Sand.

Katheryn Howard: The Motorbike Riding Ghost Queen of Yorkshire – a graphic novel script for the story of the ghost of Katheryn Howard. This ties her appearances in the Arthur Crazy series together and explains how she went from a ghost trapped in King’s Manor in York to a motorbike riding badass patrolling the North Yorkshire Moors.

Girt By Sea and a Zombie-Proof Fence – comedy horror. The whole world has been overrun by a zombie apocalypse… except for Australia. It follows a school teacher who is bitten by a priest and quarantined on Christmas Island. There, they learn the virus has mutated into animals and they must make their way back to the mainland in order to help prevent an outbreak.

and finally…

Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Orcs! – a satirical fantasy following the adventures of two orc friends as the world around them descends into chaos following the defeat of the latest Dark Lord.

But I won’t say too much about this one… because I am going to publish it myself later this year. Watch this space!

That’s a lot, isn’t it! I mean, that’s really a lot of books. I just did some quick calculations – that’s nearly 800,000 words! And it doesn’t even include all the stories I started and didn’t finish. These are all complete novels. I reckon if you add the drafts, and the ideas, and the scrapped beginnings, you’re looking at well over a million unread words.

I don’t know whether I’m proud, mortified, or just plain exhausted!

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

Gang aft agley,

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

For promis’d joy!
To a Mouse by Robert Burns

Or, for those who don’t speak “Burns” – sometimes good plans go tits up.

And so it is with my debut book series.

A few days ago, I posted on social media that the 4th Arthur Crazy book has been cancelled and I jokingly blamed Trump. The truth is that’s not entirely a lie, so I figured I’d take some time to explain.

In July 2020, I signed a deal with Parliament House Press for the Arthur Crazy series. The Book and the Blade was the debut, picked up by the wonderful Mike Feeney and it all sort of went from there. Before I knew it, I had a trilogy, and then a fourth, and the deal was for all of them. I was working with wonderful people, living the dream, and all was right with the world. The best laid schemes and all that…

About a week ago, I sent an email to the publisher asking for details about the upcoming fourth book… and was told there would not be an upcoming fourth book.

Gutted.

Now, to be clear, the email was lovely and polite and very honest… essentially, there are simply not enough resources to be putting out another book. It’s a general ‘state of the world’ scenario for a small, independent press based in the USA. So, I blame Trump, because he’s a dick.

Fun fact though, I went looking for the Publishers Marketplace statement for when the deal was struck and found that it only listed a three-book deal. I’d entirely forgotten about that mistake. The image below was sent to me years ago by the publisher with an explanation that it would be fixed up (because I did indeed sign a four-book deal) but I guess maybe it was written in the stars from the start?

So, what happens next?

The truth is, I have no idea. I am genuinely gutted and honestly struggling to find the motivation. The fourth Arthur book is ready – it has been for some time – and is very different from the first three in that it is written from Arthur’s point of view. I think it’s the best one yet (I would, though, wouldn’t I) Hell, it’s even got a little bit of nookie! But I just don’t know what to do with it. I could try and see if another publisher would be interested but that would cause all sorts of problems with the rights – because PHP have already published the others. I could have the rights of those three reverted back to me, but then I would have to republish them independently. Or I could self-publish the fourth, which I’ve done before, but it’s a shit-ton of work, and I’m bound to balls it up. Plus, I’m already working on something big (and orc-like) for later in the year. Oh, and I’m also supposed to be releasing my novella Egg in a few weeks, but I’ve hit a wall. Hell, even this website is due for renewal.

As you may have guessed, I’ve spiralled into a little bit of ‘doing sod-all’ self-pity.

So, as I often do when I find myself floundering like this – after drinking way too much and generally being a big old cranky-pants – I turn to Sir Terry Pratchett for inspiration.

“If you trust in yourself. . . and believe in your dreams. . . and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”
The Wee Free Men – Terry Pratchett

Sigh. He’s always right, isn’t he. Always. The git.

I guess I’ve got some work to do (although I still don’t know what).

Christmassy Book Sale!

For the last few years, I have released a novella at Christmas and for the next few days, they’re all FREE!

Over on Amazon, you can get access to the entire Reindeer Games trilogy and it won’t cost you a penny.

“But, Alex,” I hear you say, “I don’t have a kindle!”

No problem… the kindle app is free to download on any device and they have a handy web viewer if you want to read on a computer.

The only slight issue is the strange eccentricity of Amazon being unable to sell kindle books on the Amazon app itself… you have to go onto the actual Amazon website.

That’s a lot of Amazon.

And look, I know some people aren’t big fans (or even actively hate that platform) but for little indie plebs like me, there really aren’t many options.

So, the books!

It all started with…

Reindeer Games

A silly story about Santa’s reindeer being picked off one by one on the night before the night before Christmas.

It was only ever supposed to be that one book, and I did it for a laugh. But then along came the sequel, and I really eased into the parody angle.

Reindeer Games 2: Rein Harder. With a Vengeance.

Mrs. Claus is forced to rescue her husband who has been kidnapped by terrorists and held captive during the Christmas party at Knickerbocker Towers. High-brow stuff, and I bloody loved making the back cover…

And that was it. No more silly, violent, bad-taste, sweary Christmas books. But then people kept asking me, “So, what’s the next one about?” and the answer was obvious because, like an idiot, I’d left book 2 with a cliff-hanger ending… there’s a bomb on the sleigh! Which led to…

Sleigh: Reindeer Games 3

I had no choice, really. I had to write it!

So, there it is. Three silly and violent Christmas novellas, and this year, they’re all on sale. In fact, they’re all free.

click on the image and it’ll take you to the Amazon website in your country.

So, that’s it, right? Not quite. The second novel of my Arthur Crazy series is set at Christmas as well, and the lovely folks at Parliament House Press have joined in the Christmas sale and popped the ebook online for a dollar.

That’s four Christmas stories for a dollar if you think about it! Surely, that’s enough?

Nope!

Introducing the latest… The Frost Identity!

I promise I’ll stop eventually. But it is not this day!

Happy Reading and Merry Christmas, ya Filthy Animals!

“There’s a bomb on the sleigh!”

Sleigh: Reindeer Games 3 is out now so get ready for the Christmas rush!

The third and final instalment in my series of utterly bizarre Christmas comedy/horror novellas is available on Amazon – books2read.com/reindeergames3 – and as usual, it’s cheaper than a pint! (or two pints if you’re going for the paperback).

I also stole an idea from my last novel, Rock Zombie, by having the chapters named after famous songs. This time it’s Christmas bangers!

Wonderfully, the exceptionally cool Dave Musson of ‘Dave Reads King’ on YouTube and Instagram put together this amazing review of all three Reindeer Games stories. Have a looksie and give the man some love…

Finally, here’s the blurb for Reindeer Games 3…

Christmas is safe! Mrs. Claus brought down an entire terrorist cell and rescued her husband from the towering inferno of Knickerbocker Plaza. Now it’s the time for Santa to do what he does best: deliver the goods! But as jolly old Saint Nick takes to the skies, the North Pole gets a chilling call:

There’s a bomb on the sleigh! Ho. Ho. Ho.

Enter Jack Frost, the nymph-loving Prince of Winter, with his own entries in both sections of the Naughty and Nice List.

Partnered with Sandra, a fiercely determined rookie reindeer with dreams of pulling the sleigh, Jack hurtles into a chaotic quest through time warps, wormholes, and a nightmare-inducing sack of horrors.

Can this unlikely duo save Santa and Mrs. Claus, defuse the bomb, and rescue Christmas? Or will the holiday season go up in flames—along with everyone on the sleigh?

Packed with bad-taste jokes, twisted thrills, and more profanity than a drunk elf on Boxing Day, Sleigh: Reindeer Games 3 is a no-holds-barred comedy horror thrill ride that will leave you laughing, cringing, and questioning the sanity of anyone who recommends it.

Tis the season to sleigh!

Thanks for reading everyone.

Merry Christmas!

Rock Zombie is published!

Finally, after months of me annoying people with semi-cryptic posts, snippets of random nonsense, and bizarre TikTok videos, my silly, gross, over-the-top, comedy horror – Rock Zombie – has shuffled off the mortal coil and invaded your shelves/Kindles.

But as with all things Finlayson, it hasn’t been a smooth journey. You may notice – to start with – that it is not yet Halloween. In fact, we are still a few days out from the publication date. The reason for this is a combination of impostor syndrome and impatience (and an idea from Dan). I got worried that if I published a horror novel ON Halloween it would be too late for anyone to give a stuff about. Silly, I know, but I likened it to releasing a Christmas novel on Christmas Day… who is going to read it?!

So, I brought the release date forward and instantly made a mess of things… the book vanished from all servers for a few days and I had a mini melt-down thinking I’d lost everything. But it really just boiled down to me being an idiot.

And then it was here!

Sort of!

For some reason known only to the Amazon overlords, my silly little, supposed-to-be-cheap, stuff-it-in-your-back-pocket-and-dog-ear-it, pulp-fiction of a novel was listed for $42 here in Australia! That’s insane! I set the price at $18.99! I wanted it to be less than $20 and Amazon bloody doubled it! I have reached out, I have tried to change it, but there is nothing I can do. From what I can gather from other frustrated indie authors on social media, it boils down to Amazon just not playing nice with other people. Simply put, they do it because they can.

The listing is fine in other countries and territories, but here in Australia, where I live and am likely to sell most books, it costs a fortune!

I’m gutted.

I have reached out to book shops – particularly Books@Stones in Brisbane – and hope they will stock it.

In the process of writing this I have just seen that The Nile have it on for the expected price! Happy days!

Update: For some reason, I cannot add The Nile link to my Books2Read profile. Ah, well. It’s never simple is it.

So, it’s out there. My silly little book that I’m super proud of… and I’m having a book launch on Saturday 9th November at the very cool Nosferatu Distillery, Bar and Cafe in Bowen Hills, Brisbane (and I won’t chicken out of this one).

I really hope you enjoy Rock Zombie for what it is… a silly, fun, gory little romp through ’90s nostalgia. If you do, please consider leaving a review on Goodreads or (shudder) Amazon. It really does make a difference to little plebs like me.

I am beyond grateful to everyone who reads my books. I love ya!

Cheers,

Rock Zombie – COVER REVEAL!

“Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be… Kurt Cobain!”

Robbie Neville’s big break on Stars in Their Eyes was supposed to launch him into rock stardom.

Instead, it launched him into the afterlife.

Rob is dead. But his body didn’t get the memo.

Now he’s spending Saturday night trying to stop his reanimated corpse from kickstarting a zombie apocalypse… which is really hard to do when you’re a ghost.

With enough ’90s nostalgia to make you dig out your old mixtapes, follow Rob (both of them) as he faces down hungry zombies, scared scallies, horny barmaids, and the ultimate question:

Can you still become a rock star when you’re dead?

I’ve had this cover art for over two years. It was created by the exceptional Laura of @Hello_Moon_Creative, a tattoo artist based in Redcar. The idea of keeping this story as ‘local’ as possible really resonated with me, and so I didn’t hesitate to reach out to Laura for a commission. I think you’ll agree, she did an exceptional job. It is well worth checking out her Instagram for more of her work, but be warned, she loves a bit a spice in her art (oh, and an obsession with Lord of the Rings that might even rival my own!)

In one of my very first emails with Laura, I wrote something that was true then and remains true today… it is a dream come true for someone to create art based on something I wrote. I gave Laura a very brief overview of the story and… that was it… the rest was her.

The typesetting, font design, and slightly hidden silhouette of a rock star (in Rob’s hair on the right hand side) was me and my dodgy Photoshop ‘skills’.

Pre-orders are available now…

https://books2read.com/Rockzombie

However, Amazon is doing it’s usual thing here in Australia and jacking up the price. It should be fine everywhere else and I’m looking into alternatives. But for now, the ebook is definitely reasonably priced and your friendly neighbourhood bookshop should be able to order in the paperback… or the library.

Cheers folks!

Easter eggs and clues and things…

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K!

Or, more accurately, I’m up to something. If you see a little red-headed blue fella anywhere on my website, he’s worth a poke. If you do happen to give him a nudge, you’ll find yourself magically transported back in time (or to another page, but what is life without a little whimsy?)

Here you’ll find something that looks a bit like this…

It should be familiar to people of a certain generation and a quick look around this faux-MySpace page will drop one or two more clues for upcoming shenanigans.

For the next [insert length of time] I will be making daily TikTok, Reels, and videos on Stories, plus Instagram posts, Facebook posts and the occasional blog post here.

Some of you already know what I’m up to (because you’re involved in one way or another) and I hope you enjoy the ride.

For everyone else,

Come as you are!

Cheers folks,

Rock Zombie (or One Night in Redcar with the Dead)

This is the story that happens when you think sod it, let’s write the daftest thing we can think of and tie it in to all our teenage memories. Rock Zombie is a novel about a young lad drinking at the Beach Park on Redcar seafront… he dies… he comes back as a ghost… but his body also reanimates as a zombie. The spirit of Robbie Neville then spends the rest of the night trying to stop his body from eating everyone and causing a zombie outbreak in the streets, pubs and clubs of the author’s hometown. Cast your mind back to your first real night out (in the 90s no less) – only instead of navigating the social labyrinth of short skirts, Kickers shoes and tracksuit-clad scallies, you’re dealing with an unstoppable wave of the walking dead.

Okay, I guess they are kind of the same thing.

Rock Zombie was probably the most fun I have had writing a book. Many of my stories are littered with subtle (and not so subtle) references to pop culture and music but this one wears them all on its ragged, teeth-marked sleeve. In fact, there are so many references I had to do a number of edits because it simply wasn’t possible to get copyright permission to use all the song lyrics. Each chapter of Rock Zombie is the title of a classic tune from the 90s (here’s the playlist). Robbie Neville is, after all, a wannabe rock star who models his look on those of a certain well-known grunge icon. In fact, when we meet him, he is riding the wave of his new-found, small-town celebrity status after appearing on ITV’s Stars in Their Eyes.

Tonight, Matthew. I’m going to be… Kurt Cobain!

For those of you who aren’t British or have no memory of the 90s, Stars in Their Eyes was like the pre-cursor to Britain’s Got Talent, Ex-Factor and The Voice. It was basically a karaoke dress-up show where people splashed on a bit of make-up, revealed themselves via a smoky stage, and sang one song… before returning to their lives never to be seen again.

But it’s amazing what a person can get away with when they’ve been on TV… even in the 90s… even if they’re now a zombie.

So, yeah. This daft little book found a publisher and is due for release pretty soon. I figured I’d write this short post as an introduction because the honest truth is, I don’t really know what is happening. I received an email before Christmas saying the date was set for the end of January but as I haven’t read anything, seen anything, or signed anything I’m not entirely sure what is going on. In my short experience though I can say that the publishing world is full of these little foibles and so I’m just going to wait and see. Hell, if it doesn’t happen I’ll try again and if it still doesn’t happen there’s always the Reindeer Games route of self-publishing. But with only a few weeks to go I figured I should at least try something in the way of advertising.

So watch this space… there’s rock zombies in it!

(maybe)

I have news!

What a crazy end to the year it has been! My first novel, THE BOOK AND THE BLADE, was originally slated for release in September of this year but of course that didn’t happen for a myriad of reasons. The new publication date is the 28th February, 2023, which bizarrely means my “debut” novel will in fact be my third!

That’s right, due to the self-publication of my ridiculous christmas horror novel – REINDEER GAMES – and the news I just received that ROCK ZOMBIE will be published at the end of January 2023, it turns out I’ll have three books out in the wild before I turn 41!

I know what you’re thinking, Oh bugger! That’s too much Al in such a short space of time! Well, now you know how my poor wife and kids feel! 🤣

In all honesty though, I’m chuffed to bits. I never thought Reindeer Games would get much traction (and by big boy standards, it hasn’t) but I was really stoked when it sold over 100 copies. Right now, that number is slowly creeping towards 150. So, thank you to everyone who downloaded and read it!

The Book and the Blade is the story I’ve had in my head for over 20 years and I can’t wait for you to read it. The basic premise is a guy gets drunk and sees ghosts but he’s so drunk he doesn’t know they’re ghosts. There’s obviously a lot more to it but that’s the start 🤣 It is being published by the wonderful people at Parliament House Press in the US and is part of a four book series.

And Rock Zombie is a story about a young man who dies and comes back as a ghost AND a zombie. That’s right, his body reanimates and his ghost has to follow it around trying to stop it from eating people. This one has a killer soundtrack as it’s set in the 90s. In fact, each chapter is the title of a famous song from the time. Here’s the playlist…

There is a mock-up book cover but the real deal has yet to be finalised. Rock Zombie is being published in the UK by Britain’s Next Bestseller who are based in my hometown of Redcar where the story is set, which is wonderfully serendipitous. I’m kind of hoping there’ll be time to arrange a book cover design by the amazing Hello Moon Creative, who is a tattoo artist from Redcar. Keeping it local! (But available everywhere!)

So that’s it, exciting times ahead but of course the year is not over yet. There are a couple of days left where REINDEER GAMES is still available to download for free! That offer runs out at 7pm on Christmas Day if you’re in the AEST zone… 8am Christmas Day in GMT… and 1159pm on Christmas Eve for PST. The link above will take you to the right page (I hope).

Thanks everyone for reading this and reading my silly bollocks. It’s really fun to write such nonsense and send it out into the world. Thank you all and Merry Christmas!

Almost there…

For anyone keeping track, Reindeer Games has just been uploaded for publication on Amazon. This is where we currently stand…

I’ve added it for the lowest price I can across all markets but I’ve also enrolled the silly bloody thing in Kindle Select, which means it is exclusive to Amazon. More importantly, this means I can flog it off for free for 5 days.

So, all being well, Reindeer Games will be ready for public consumption on about the 20th December and will be free until Christmas Day.

I’m not going to lie, I have not taken this entirely seriously (Shocking! Says everyone who knows me) I wrote the damn thing in 3 days and edited in a week or so with the help of some legends… Bri, Erica, Amy and Kel. Look for your names in the acknowledgements section at the back of the book ladies 🤣

I also played fast and loose with the wording on the copyright page (I mean, it wanted me to say that all characters are fictitious, but it’s a story about Santa! I just couldn’t do it).

If you’re still undecided about this crap or this is the first you’ve heard of it, here is the opener…

Absolute nonsense, I know.

But hey, if you’re stuck for a present idea for someone, it is free… they don’t have to know that!

In all honesty, if you do read my silly little rambling, please take a moment to pop a rating or review on Amazon. It’ll really help in February when my real book is published. And hey, here’s a time-saving tip for you… instead of giving me 5 one-star reviews, just combine them into 1 five-star review. I’ll know what you mean!

Cheers!