The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

Gang aft agley,

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

For promis’d joy!
To a Mouse by Robert Burns

Or, for those who don’t speak “Burns” – sometimes good plans go tits up.

And so it is with my debut book series.

A few days ago, I posted on social media that the 4th Arthur Crazy book has been cancelled and I jokingly blamed Trump. The truth is that’s not entirely a lie, so I figured I’d take some time to explain.

In July 2020, I signed a deal with Parliament House Press for the Arthur Crazy series. The Book and the Blade was the debut, picked up by the wonderful Mike Feeney and it all sort of went from there. Before I knew it, I had a trilogy, and then a fourth, and the deal was for all of them. I was working with wonderful people, living the dream, and all was right with the world. The best laid schemes and all that…

About a week ago, I sent an email to the publisher asking for details about the upcoming fourth book… and was told there would not be an upcoming fourth book.

Gutted.

Now, to be clear, the email was lovely and polite and very honest… essentially, there are simply not enough resources to be putting out another book. It’s a general ‘state of the world’ scenario for a small, independent press based in the USA. So, I blame Trump, because he’s a dick.

Fun fact though, I went looking for the Publishers Marketplace statement for when the deal was struck and found that it only listed a three-book deal. I’d entirely forgotten about that mistake. The image below was sent to me years ago by the publisher with an explanation that it would be fixed up (because I did indeed sign a four-book deal) but I guess maybe it was written in the stars from the start?

So, what happens next?

The truth is, I have no idea. I am genuinely gutted and honestly struggling to find the motivation. The fourth Arthur book is ready – it has been for some time – and is very different from the first three in that it is written from Arthur’s point of view. I think it’s the best one yet (I would, though, wouldn’t I) Hell, it’s even got a little bit of nookie! But I just don’t know what to do with it. I could try and see if another publisher would be interested but that would cause all sorts of problems with the rights – because PHP have already published the others. I could have the rights of those three reverted back to me, but then I would have to republish them independently. Or I could self-publish the fourth, which I’ve done before, but it’s a shit-ton of work, and I’m bound to balls it up. Plus, I’m already working on something big (and orc-like) for later in the year. Oh, and I’m also supposed to be releasing my novella Egg in a few weeks, but I’ve hit a wall. Hell, even this website is due for renewal.

As you may have guessed, I’ve spiralled into a little bit of ‘doing sod-all’ self-pity.

So, as I often do when I find myself floundering like this – after drinking way too much and generally being a big old cranky-pants – I turn to Sir Terry Pratchett for inspiration.

“If you trust in yourself. . . and believe in your dreams. . . and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”
The Wee Free Men – Terry Pratchett

Sigh. He’s always right, isn’t he. Always. The git.

I guess I’ve got some work to do (although I still don’t know what).

The Grey Lady of York

There are that many “grey ladies” in York it is sometimes hard knowing where to begin. The Holy Trinity Church on Micklegate has one, so does The Theatre Royal, The Treasurer’s House, King’s Manor, Lady Peckett’s Yard… and I used to make up stories for American tourists when I worked at The Judge’s Lodgings regarding apparitions in The Tower Room – the more lovelorn and tragic, the better the tips!

It seems there is something as enticing about the spectre of monochromatic women as there is about the lost boys from my previous post. They really capture our imagination. Perhaps it is the tragic events in their lives that brings these ladies back, or perhaps it is the tragedy thrust upon them that makes right-minded (and somewhat romantic) folks like myself hope for their story to continue?

I find ghost stories are usually all stories of hope – a soul lingers due to unfinished business, to make amends, as punishment that will one day end.

Nearly all Grey Ladies share tragedy in common. Murdered by a jealous spouse, condemned for love, broken-hearted, betrayed, beaten. Very few of the stories of the Grey Ladies are cheerful (what ghost stories are?) but I particularly liked the one associated with the church on Micklegate. It was one of the first ghost stories I read about in York and I knew when it came to writing The Book and the Blade that I had to include it.

The white lady appeared. Tall, beautiful, and stern. She walked across the front of the church with a purposeful gait and only paused when she reached the end of the building. There she turned and beckoned for her daughter and the nurse that accompanied her; this was their nightly routine—the pattern they were forced to replay every evening.
The Book and the Blade.

Ah look, I know I changed her colour a little but there were so many Grey Ladies I had to mix it up a bit. In fact, by the time I was about 50k words in and drowning in research notes on the many many York ghosts, I had the inkling of an idea that would come to be one of my favourite parts of the novel…

The Council of the Grey Ladies

The Council of the Grey Ladies emerged out of a perceived necessity to “bring the dead together” and gave rise to lots of half-hearted jokes along the lines of “community spirits.” But, as ghostly councils go, it is a relatively new organisation. In fact, in living terms, the group has only been gathering for the better part of ten years. It took one Irene Napier to gather the disparate ghosts and bring them together as a collective.
The Book and the Blade

Because if you have a city with that many Grey Ladies wandering around, it makes sense they might bump into each other! It just took the right sort of ghost to get them organised. Enter… Irene Napier.

Busy was a word entirely insufficient when used to describe Irene Napier, and now that she didn’t have the need for sleep, she was a force of nature in her own right. The fact her husband had died two days after she, and then entirely failed to join her on this plane of existence, is a testament to that. He couldn’t live without her, but the thought of spending eternity standing in a corner figuratively holding the coats was enough to make him jump through the door at the earliest opportunity.
The Book and the Blade

A friend of mine – the talented Mark Boardman – who read the very early drafts of The Book and the Blade said he wanted to know more about Irene Napier. So do I when I look back on it now. Who knows, in the future, there might be some “Arthur Crazy” spin-offs.

Actually, I have written a Queen Katheryn Howard graphic novel tie-in but that’s getting way ahead of myself!

Anyway, the Grey Ladies. Bloody wonderful they are! Just don’t try and cheat at bingo. You’ll never hear the end of it.

Thanks for reading.

If The Book and the Blade seems like something you might like to read, please check this link for your best buying options (or ask your friendly neighbourhoos librarian). And if you have read it, please consider leaving a rating or review where ratings and reviews are left… they make such a huge difference.

Cheers folks!

Alex

The ghost of Sarah Brocklebank

The tale of Sarah Brocklebank is a relatively well-known “ghost story” in York. There are many people who will be familiar with her but perhaps even more who know aspects of the story… but not the name. She’s…

The ghost on Micklegate Bar

The girl who lost the keys

Just a kid… it was her birthday

An old woman… she died of a heart attack

Stuck on the walls

Roams the city

That’s the problem with these sorts of tales… they get told and retold so many times (and often in pubs after a few drinks) that they become so embellished and overstuffed as to be almost unrecognisable from the “truth”. That’s not a complaint by the way, I mean, it’s literally what I do as a writer (and a husband, if you ask my wife!) and Mark Twain did famously say,

“Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”

Sarah Brocklebank is the first ghost Arthur speaks to in The Book and the Blade and when I started writing her character I only had a few “facts”

Sarah was the daughter of Thomas Brocklebank.
Thomas was the “keeper of the keys” of Micklegate Bar
The keys went missing (supposedly, Sarah’s fault)
Thomas lost his job
The family were kicked out of their home and impoverished
Thomas never forgave Sarah and disowned her

There were other bits and bobs and snippets of information floating around in various dusty books, old newspapers, and shiny (albeit darkly aesthetic) blogs; mainly regarding Sarah’s age and the places she haunts.

For my part, I placed Sarah in her mid-20s, I kept the loss of the keys, the family ruin, and Thomas blaming her, but I had Sarah’s ghost suspended in a moment of time before the family were made destitute. In The Book and the Blade, Sarah is frantically searching for the keys all over the city, starting at Micklegate Bar, heading into Holy Trinity church, then the heart of the city and St Helen’s Square. Each night, Sarah is fated to hunt for the keys and return them to her father “before it is too late.” The instant she finds them, however, the night restarts and Sarah appears back on the walls at Micklegate. This has been her existence for over 200 years and has driven her quite mad, which is understandable… especially when you learn that it was her little sister who lost the keys and Sarah took the blame (this little addition appeared in the first draft of the novel and was cut out at some point, but there are still hints. It is also entirely made up).

Like many ghost stories, Sarah’s is one of unfulfilled longing and unrealised destiny. She is the quintessential “hungry ghost” — never quite able to achieve satisfaction, and doomed to spend eternity trapped in a cycle of misery… until the night she meets Arthur Crazy.

Sarah shivered. She was tired. Deep down tired within the very core of her being. But she couldn’t give up. Those keys meant everything, and she had to find them. Tonight was her last chance. Without the keys, her father—her family—lost everything.

It is also worth mentioning that Micklegate Bar used to be a museum of sorts and apparently contained a statue of a young girl dressed in old clothing. In one hand she held a basket but the other was empty. So the staff there gave her a set of keys to complete the look. Perhaps Sarah’s whole story is a bit “chicken and egg” but I think it’s more fun to follow the advice of Mr Twain.

Cheers,

Alex

The Arthur Crazy Trilogy:

The Book and the Blade

The Sword and the Hounds

The Saint and the Shadowman

Last days of the sale…

The Book and the Blade is on sale over on Amazon, ladies and gents. For the rest of the month (admittedly, not long) it will only cost a few dollars/pounds. So, now is the perfect time to have a little read of my comedy/horror about a drunk loner who sees dead people… because the sequel comes out soon!

There are currently four books in the Arthur Crazy series, with the second, The Sword and the Hounds, slated for the end of July… and there is even a chance that the third, The Saint and the Shadowman, will hit the shelves before the end of the year! Fingers crossed!

After that… well, things get a little odd. The Arthur Crazy series was originally a trilogy, but then the fourth seemed to come from nowhere, and… it’s a bit different. The fourth novel is called, I Draw the Line at ******* Vampires, and I had so much fun writing it.

Now my silly brain is even working on the fifth! Nothing is on paper yet, apart from a smattering of notes on Google Keep and one or two post-its shoved in a diary, but I have this ridiculous plan where all my books tie together in one glorious whole!

And with that, here are the links for The Book and the Blade should it strike your fancy…

Australia – $2.92 United Kingdom – £1.49 USA – $1.99 Canada – $1.99

Cheers folks,

All the best,

Al.

At least when I write stories I (mostly) control what happens…

It has been an interesting few weeks to say the least… Arthur was published on 28th Feb, we had an amazing book launch on 11th March, I threw Albert into the world on the 26th March, work ended on Friday, and I got sick Friday night (this is like the shittiest version of that Craig David song).

On Saturday, I am heading to Emerald to hang around the wonderful new bookshop, Highland Books, and talk a little bit about Arthur… but this morning, I received notification that Australia Post, in their great wisdom, have decided to delay the delivery of my author copies by a week. No reason. No explanation. Just a mocking little green badge that says ‘On Time’. On time, my arse! So, there’s a very real chance I will be heading to a book signing with ONE copy of The Book and the Blade (the reason for the signing in the first place!) and ten copies of Albert the Great Australian Dragon (the daft, local story I self-published for a laugh).

When I ordered author copies in the past, they have always arrived within a week. This time, I placed the order over two weeks ago… so there is still a small chance it’ll work out… but it’s also Australia Post, so who knows?

For those of you in the UK, Australia Post is basically the same as Royal Mail… in EVERY way.

All I can do now is… wait. What’s that old poem? Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to not jump on Twitter and call Australia Post a bunch of twats…

There is literally nothing I can do to make things work out. So, I might as well write, right? At least I can control the things that happen on the page… but even that isn’t entirely true. Yesterday, a main character in my wip died under my tippy-tappy fingertips and I didn’t see it coming. It is a very strange moment indeed when your brain slowly catches up with the words appearing on the screen and you realise where the end of the sentence is heading. I didn’t plan on killing he/she/it. And I certainly didn’t plan on it happening in such a brutal and sudden fashion (I’m pretty sure I used the words fucking eviscerated). It really works though. It’s a good scene, it made me chuckle, but honestly, it’s really buggered the rest of the story. Where the hell do I go now he/she/it is dead?

So that’s what I’m going to focus on today… where to take a 50k word story now one of the main characters is spread all over the ceiling… you know, the things I can (mostly) control.

But if anyone knows the secret cheat code to make Australia Post work more efficiently, I’d really appreciate a whisper in the ear.

Cheers!

A SOMETHING of SOMETHING and SOMETHING

I feel like I’ve missed a trick with The Book and the Blade. It would seem that I did not get the memo regarding the standard structure of novel titles in the contemporary market. Absolutely everything seems to be some combination of A____ of_____ and _______ , and with less than ten days to go it is probably a wee bit late to change things.

A Book of Shadow and Blades?

A City of Drunks and Deceased?

A Blade of Sharp and Pointy?

A Man of Inebriated Regret?

A Midnight Panini of Cajun Chicken and Cheese? (Now THAT’S an in-joke I squeezed into the book for a small number of people!)

Well, folks, regardless of marketing reservations it is officially too late to do anything about it now. The Book and the Blade will be released to the world on February 28th of this year… just 9 short days away at the time of my writing this! To say I’m a tad excited would be like saying Trump was a little bit controversial, but it is an excitement heavily tempered by a creeping pessimism. Imposter syndrome really is a kick in the tits. If it wasn’t for my best friend and amazing wife (same person…also my biggest critic…in a good way!) I would have already closed the door so to speak. It is a really odd thing to write a book…to put everything out there, to create something new you hope people love, and then to tie yourself in knots at the thought of people actually reading the damn thing! With that in mind, it is perhaps no surprise I have let things get this close to release day without doing a damn thing about it.

Kel has different ideas.

Last night, while we waited for our daughter on her first official date no less (where did that time go?!) I officially gave in to my wife’s polite suggestions for a launch party…so now things are going to happen. It’ll be in Brisbane…somewhere. The Saturday after the release date…sometime. And I promise I’ll turn up…maybe.

All jokes aside, it has been an amazing (and stressful) few weeks…writing, editing, doing interviews, checking final proofs, panicking, hyperventilating, drinking…and, of course, unboxing my debut novel!

I hope that if you buy it, you enjoy it, or at the very least, don’t hate it so much you start a campaign against the author that goes viral and he never works in this town again and gets sacked from his day job for bringing the English language into disrepute and is then bundled out of Australia by immigration because they just can’t tolerate such amateurish shite on these sun-drenched shores and then his wife leaves him for being such a failure and his kids change their names to completely disassociate and he ends up selling moody-gold from the back of a car on a racecourse market where he rummages through the discarded betting slips for that one small glimmer of hope (or because he can’t afford toilet paper and needs must) and then he wanders off into the mountains only to be found in a bush hugging a tattered copy of the Beano that reminds him of his shattered hopes and dreams.

Something like that anyway.

Cheers folks!

PARLIAMENT HOUSE PRESS / AMAZON / BARNS AND NOBLE / BOOKTOPIA

I have news!

What a crazy end to the year it has been! My first novel, THE BOOK AND THE BLADE, was originally slated for release in September of this year but of course that didn’t happen for a myriad of reasons. The new publication date is the 28th February, 2023, which bizarrely means my “debut” novel will in fact be my third!

That’s right, due to the self-publication of my ridiculous christmas horror novel – REINDEER GAMES – and the news I just received that ROCK ZOMBIE will be published at the end of January 2023, it turns out I’ll have three books out in the wild before I turn 41!

I know what you’re thinking, Oh bugger! That’s too much Al in such a short space of time! Well, now you know how my poor wife and kids feel! 🤣

In all honesty though, I’m chuffed to bits. I never thought Reindeer Games would get much traction (and by big boy standards, it hasn’t) but I was really stoked when it sold over 100 copies. Right now, that number is slowly creeping towards 150. So, thank you to everyone who downloaded and read it!

The Book and the Blade is the story I’ve had in my head for over 20 years and I can’t wait for you to read it. The basic premise is a guy gets drunk and sees ghosts but he’s so drunk he doesn’t know they’re ghosts. There’s obviously a lot more to it but that’s the start 🤣 It is being published by the wonderful people at Parliament House Press in the US and is part of a four book series.

And Rock Zombie is a story about a young man who dies and comes back as a ghost AND a zombie. That’s right, his body reanimates and his ghost has to follow it around trying to stop it from eating people. This one has a killer soundtrack as it’s set in the 90s. In fact, each chapter is the title of a famous song from the time. Here’s the playlist…

There is a mock-up book cover but the real deal has yet to be finalised. Rock Zombie is being published in the UK by Britain’s Next Bestseller who are based in my hometown of Redcar where the story is set, which is wonderfully serendipitous. I’m kind of hoping there’ll be time to arrange a book cover design by the amazing Hello Moon Creative, who is a tattoo artist from Redcar. Keeping it local! (But available everywhere!)

So that’s it, exciting times ahead but of course the year is not over yet. There are a couple of days left where REINDEER GAMES is still available to download for free! That offer runs out at 7pm on Christmas Day if you’re in the AEST zone… 8am Christmas Day in GMT… and 1159pm on Christmas Eve for PST. The link above will take you to the right page (I hope).

Thanks everyone for reading this and reading my silly bollocks. It’s really fun to write such nonsense and send it out into the world. Thank you all and Merry Christmas!

Flibbertygibbets and jiggerypokery

A lot has happened in a short space of time so I thought I’d write a little post to let everyone know what the flibbertygibbets is going on.

– The Book and the Blade has a new release date – February 28th, 2023. I’ve known for quite a while that this was going to happen and I’ll be honest, I was gutted at first, but it is for the best. The reason is due to some jiggerpokery at the publishers that meant the original schedule couldn’t be kept. Not really a problem, my debut novel will still come out in my 40th year and I think that’s pretty cool.

– About that ‘debut novel’ thing. Well, The Book and the Blade might not end up being my debut after all. I still have a publisher interested in getting Rock Zombie into print… there’s a small chance it could happen before February, but who knows?

– I finished another book. This one is set where I live in Australia and is called The Last Witch in Brisbane. There is an uncomfortable number of people beta reading it for me. I’m scared.

– Speaking of other books, there are four Arthur Crazy stories in total and they are all complete. In fact, it’s really surreal to me that no one has read Arthur’s first adventure and I’ve finished a whole story arc!

– The cover for the second book will be announced sooner than you think and hopefully, the release of the four books will be more condensed than first planned.

– Each book will be available in eBook, hardback and paperback formats from pretty much anywhere you can buy books. There is also a possibility of an audiobook release but I’m not 100% on that just yet.

– Last but not least, following advice from people I really respect, I have delved into the young person’s world of TikTok. I don’t know what I’m doing and honestly, once I’ve waded past all the shiny young people waving their tits at the camera I feel more than a little uncomfortable being there… so I’m going about it with my usual sense of professionalism and attention to detail.

Oh, and I’m writing. In fact, I’m writing the story I’ve wanted to write since before I could read (🤔, but more on that later.

Cheers folks!

A few things…

There are now less than seven weeks to go until The Book and the Blade is released into the wild so I thought I’d write a little post in order to give some updates.

– pre-orders for the ebook are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Booktopia, Kobo and more

– pre-orders for hardback and paperback are available on the Parliament House Press website (though I think these are US only at the moment)

– there will be ebook, hardback and paperback available eventually but there are some fun issues in the publishing industry at the moment so physical copies might take a wee bit longer

– I forgot about the merchandise stuff… my bad… I’ll make sure shirts and whatnot are available for those who might like that sort of thing

– I have a marketing meeting at the beginning of August which is extraordinarily grown-up and I’ll have to try my best not to giggle like an idiot all the way through it

– there is a tenative venue for the book launch – Netherworld Arcade and Bar in Brisbane – but I’m not entirely sure when the launch will be. There isn’t really much point in doing a proper shindig unless I have physical books to flog so that is a work in progress. Also, the book is released on a Tuesday and I don’t think anyone will show up to an event in the city on a week night like that. The next available date is the following Sunday… which is 9/11… so that’s a solid no

– there are sequels… they are finished

– a very kind person invited me to speak at a small event in September because, and I quote, “you’re an author” and honestly, it took me a moment to realise they weren’t taking the piss!

– a good mate of mine who is a wonderfully talented photographer is going to take ‘author photos’ of me in August. It is going to be… chaotic. We were just about crying laughing coming up with ideas. Sure, I could take it seriously, or…

– I found out Lord Bezos and his Amazonian Algorithms are making books vanish from lists if they get less than four stars… so please, if you do review my little book, give it 4 or 5 stars on Amazon… and then 1 on Goodreads ;-D

– I’m writing again. Averaging a thousand words a day

– my mam is very proud of me… for now… she won’t be if she ever reads the bloody thing! 😀

In Terms of Terms This is it!

MY BOOK COMES OUT THIS TERM!

As a teacher by day (and a barely functioning man-child by night) much of my life is controlled by bells, schedules and timetables. Even now, during the school holidays, I have a Pavlovian response to sniff out the nearest coffee at 8:15, 10:55 and 3:01, but it’s not just the daily routine that is ground in, it’s my entire life, the way I view the world. My year, for example, is organised by terms and breaks and it occured to me recently that THIS IS MY LAST SCHOOL BREAK BEFORE MY BOOK COMES OUT!

Next term I will be a published author…

… and the next school holiday I’ll probably be crying why isn’t anyone reading my book?!

… and the one after that I’ll be desperately shilling The Book and the Blade as a stocking filler!

… the one after that? Pulp?

But nihilistic self-deprecating bollocks aside, that’s really exciting isn’t it?! Yes, my life is split into carefully colour-coded and well organised little chunks, and yes I do associate big events automatically with where they fit in the school year… for example, in my first ever term as a teacher I married the love of my life… but that structured existence makes it really kind of exciting (and easy to keep track of). So while I’ll be preparing my students as they head towards their final exams (term 3 is notoriously where all the really hard work happens) I’ll also be coming home to a house that will look a little like Alan Partridge’s caravan (now that’s a niche little reference. I’m not sure how many will get that one!)

in fact, it’s the second Alan Partridge reference I’ve thrown in this post.

So, in terms of terms, this is it, my book is out… now*