Category: diary

Book release, book shops, book launch, and talking bollocks – my week after publication

Well, what a week it has been! My second novel, The Sword and the Hounds, was published on the 23rd of July and got shared around a bit on social media by some amazing and lovely people, though from my end, it wasn’t quite the all-singing, all-dancing affair I had in mind… largely due to my youngest kid being a bit unwell. I had every intention of doing… something, but the day itself sort of went by in a bit of a blur. I walked the dog as I normally do, talked some bollocks on TikTok as I normally do, replied to some lovely messages, got ready for work… and didn’t go.

So, it’s book publication day, you find yourself off work because your boy is poorly, what would you do? That’s right… I spent the entire day sitting in front of a fire, editing a novel, and making plans to self-publish at Halloween, but that’s a different story for a different time (literally). Back to the week that was…

MY BOOK IS PUBLISHED!

I am absolutely over the moon, although I’m still yet to receive my six-figure contract and movie deal, which is a bit strange. I think the postman might have lost it.

I am, however, eternally grateful for the amazing support I have from family and friends… and some lovely people I’ve only ever ‘met’ online. The Sword and the Hounds has been really well received… by those able to get access to it. Because that has been a nightmare!

You may have heard that Booktopia (the biggest online book shop in Australia) collapsed and Amazon pounced on that news in the only way Amazon knows how… by cranking the price of small press and indie books in the Australian marketplace. That was gutting… to see my little novel priced so high and knowing what that means. And there’s nothing I can do about it. My lovely publisher was just as shocked as me. So, I spent the first few days after publication trying to find anywhere that might sell my novel and not rip people off. Thankfully, there are a great number of really cool independent bookshops who have the book listed online so all was not lost.

And then… drum roll… W.H. Smith listed it on their website! I was gobsmacked! Smiths is an institution of the British high street! I boasted all over the place about that one… and then it got taken down! I have no idea why. It came, it went, it came back again, my sister ordered it, it went again. Whether or not my sis ever gets her hands on the book remains to be seen! (sorry).

But speaking of Smiths… I got talking to the manager of the branch in Richmond (where the book is set) and he is going to try and get it on the shelves there. THAT is amazing! I told my mam (I was ‘fizzing up and busting’ as she likes to say) and she told her friends… the wonderful ‘Stray ladies’ (best not to ask). One lovely lady, Janice, even went to look, bless her, but it was only a few days after publication and not in stock. I don’t know if that one will eventuate… but if it does, I’ll be begging people to take photos of my book on the shelf! That will be a dream come true.

After that, I spent a good few hours (and god-knows how much on the phone bill) calling other UK bookshops… with zero success. One guy told me he receives between 3-4 thousand requests a month! That’s insane… and a bit of a kick in the tits… but I guess I can’t feel too bad about it.

On day three, the Kindle version of The Sword and the Hounds climbed the charts in ‘Ghost Horror’ on the Australian market and hung around number 3 for a very short while… that was utter magic, and so I made a load more phone calls trying to ride on the coattails of that momentary success… again, no luck 😀

On day four or five, my Goodreads account got hacked… or a gremlin was let loose, I don’t know. It was a bit of struggle getting that sorted, but when I did (thanks to the wonderful ‘librarians’ at Goodreads) I found some reviews sitting there for the new book! 2 x 5 star and 1 x 4 star! Magic!

My lovely (and patient) wife organised a book launch and I sent the wrong date out to everyone at work. I then sent them all another email with the correct date. And then a few days later I cancelled the whole thing. To tell the truth, I don’t really know why. I think the first one was such a huge moment for me that I got into my own head a bit. Maybe something more low key might be in order this time round. We’ll see.

So, what else have I been up to? Well, I’ve spent countless hours trying to create ads for the book but all I’ve really ended up doing is scrolling through photos and videos of our time in Richmond and Yorkshire and giving myself crippling homesickness. That then leads to thoughts of moving back, which leads to thoughts of finances, which leads to thoughts of ‘well, if I sell a million books I won’t have to worry about it, I can just wander around Yorkshire like the next James Herriot’, which leads to thoughts of ‘you’re a dickhead’, so I distract myself with the Olympics, which leads to thoughts of ‘am I really this old?’. It’s quite the roller coaster.

BUT THEN I got in touch with an absolute legend on Instagram… one of my favourite accounts… and my publisher sent him my books! That’s exciting, and more than a little scary. Details to follow soon.

A few days ago, I had an interview with a lovely reporter for a local paper, which was fantastic. I haven’t really mentioned that to anyone (until now). I’m just going to see what happens when the paper gets put on the table in the staff room. I’ll keep you posted.

Me mam!

And over the last few days, those friends and family who ordered the book have started to receive it in the post and my inbox now has some cracking photos of The Sword and the Hounds out in the world… and like a crack-whore looking for a fix, I want more! So, I’ve been writing. And then I realise I’m ignoring advertising, so I go back to that, and I end up ignoring the writing and I get nothing done at all, and… , blimey, it’s noisy in here! Thank God for the Olympics and All Creatures Great and Small.

So, here we are… a week or so later trying not to metaphorically peer over everyone’s shoulder to see if they love or hate my book (and therefore, tacitly, me)…like some right needy dickhead! But there is a part in this story I just can’t wait for folk to read… especially those who read the first book and told me they liked a particularly character… something happens!

BLANK comes BLANK as a BLANK and BLANK BLANK BLANK.

If you crack my code, hit me up, I want to talk about it!

Thanks for reading folks! And thank you all for an awesome week.

The Sword and the Hounds… OUT NOW!

Aaaaand done… maybe

Well, it only took me the better part of 30 years, but I finished writing a novel today. To be clear, I haven’t been writing for 30 years, but when I tell the story of The Book and the Blade, I always mention how I initially got the idea when I was 18.

For this story, I’ve had the idea since I was 8! Today, I finished it.

To give this a little context, I couldn’t even read when I was 8, but my grandad had died two years prior and like many young boys in similar circumstances, I idolised him in ways I didn’t fully understand.

My grandad; the dog walking, pipe smoking, ever present war hero… was gone.

But his stories live on.

No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world fade away.

Sir Terry Pratchett – Reaper Man

I’m 42 years old now, I live in Australia, and I tell my grandad’s stories constantly. It was about time I wrote them down. I carry his name, you see, passed down to me through my dad, his son. My own daughter and son carry his name also, and the shared names go back even further than those four generations.

But back to the point of this post, I finally finished writing a novel about him. Sgt. Alexander Bedair Finlayson.

Maybe.

I first announced I’d done this on 22nd October 2023… that was the day I completed the first draft. On the 6th April 2024 (two days before writing this) I finished… again.

I think.

The tricky thing about writing a novel about your grandad, when you’re named after him, is you can’t very well use your own name as that of the main protagonist. This isn’t primary school. And to make it even more complicated, I have used grandad’s name in another of my novels. He was a twin. And in the upcoming The Sword and the Hounds, Alexander and Archibald play a key role. So, I sort of shot myself in the foot there.

But the reality is, for some strange reason I don’t quite know, Uncle Arch used to refer to himself as Mickie Finn. When he wrote letters to grandad during the war, he often signed them in this way. So my main character, the one based on grandad, became Michael ‘Micky’ Finn. His brother in the story is called John (another name that runs through the family)… and strangely enough, Alexander and Archibald make an appearance as well.

You might be thinking now… if you’re of a deductive mind… that these few details would indicate I am playing fast and loose with ‘historical fiction’, and you’d be absolutely spot on. This story isn’t historical fiction, not really, it’s historical fantasy, and there’s a very simple explanation…

I’m a coward.

The truth is, I don’t feel good enough to write a straight war story about my grandad. I don’t think I could ever do it justice. I know I can string a few word together and occasionally pop out some entertaining bits and bobs, but this is my grandad we’re talking about! A man who left home just after his 21st birthday in 1939 to enter basic training, and was then shipped out a year later from Liverpool to North Africa. He wouldn’t return home for four and a half years! He fought in North Africa, Italy, Greece, and ended up in the LRDG! How the hell am I supposed to write about that?!

So I didn’t. I spoke to my dad, and I spoke to my uncle, and I basically asked for their blessing to write grandad’s story in a way I know how… with fantasy and horror. And it was this that ultimately made me throw out the first draft… and then it saved the fifth.

I started by moulding the story around Grandad’s Letters (these documents are fully deserving of the capitalisation). They are two long accounts of grandad’s experiences in war that he typed up for Major Forty, who wrote a series of books on the exploits of the 8th Army and the 7th Armoured Division. We have those letters, along with a treasure trove of photographs taken through the North Africa Campaign and beyond. I organised everything as best as I could in chronological order and then I started playing with it.

But there were too many influences. When I first started, I didn’t know what I wanted it to be. I devoured A.R. Channel’s The Fighting Four war novels when I was a kid, then moved up to Robert Westall. After that were Stephen E Ambrose and Ben McIntyre. I’ve watched just about every war movie and TV show you can imagine, from the romanticised movies of the 60s and 70s to the more gritty and realistic showings of Spielberg, Hanks and co. and I’m one of those blokes who is more than happy to watch a documentary on a Friday night (yes, I am that cliched). And, my God, I researched! I researched more for this novel than I did for my Masters.

@alexfinlaysonauthor

I posted this video two years ago on an old account I’ve lost access to. just found it again. #booktok #writing #amwriting #ww2 #northafricacampaign #tobruk #desertrats #8tharmy

♬ original sound – ABFinlayson

But still, that first draft didn’t know whether it was coming or going! Was it aimed at kids, teens, war historians, or horror fans? It was a total mess… and the ‘horror’ was shoe-horned in to try and make the narrative flow. It didn’t work.

In the second draft, I found the voice and tone I wanted.

In the third, I discovered the plot (three drafts to find a plot!)

In the fourth, I ‘killed my darlings’, as the saying goes (and I’m left with a whole file called ‘dumping ground’)

And in the fifth, I found my story. Grandad’s story.

The tentative working title is Shadows in the Sand, but that might change. Right now, I’m exhausted. I’ve spoken to dad. I’ve spoken to my best mate. I’ve spoken to my wife. I’ve come out from under the rock and I’m going to let it rest. What the story needs now is fresh eyes… someone who can see if it works like a story at all.

The beta reading of this one is going to be brutal! I’m not sure I’m ready to let it go.

Either way, I did it. And I’m really proud I did it. Who knows… it might work, it might not. But I’ll push on regardless.

Cheers,

The one about a work in progress

When we had the launch party for The Book and the Blade, my mate Mitch did an awesome job of MCing, filling any potential awkward silences on my part by asking questions. One of those question was, what are you working on at the minute? The answer then (and still now) is a comedy fantasy called, Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Orcs?! This is a story that came about after a conversation with a friend’s partner (now also friend) the first time we met. We were chatting over a mutual love of Lord of the Rings (of course) and he mentioned the scene from the movies where the orcs shout, “looks like meat is back on the menu, boys!” We talked about the implications of this one small line. Not the cannibalistic tendencies of the orcs as evidenced by the word ‘meat’, but the deeper implications of the word ‘menu’. The idea ran from there and tickled around my brain for about a year. I finally started writing in November 2022 for NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month). I wrote mine and Stu’s conversation down as best as I remembered it as part of a prologue and went from there. In November, I wrote 51k words. Then I didn’t look at it for four months.

For the last two weeks, I’ve largely been bed-ridden, and certainly housebound (which is shit! I’m on holidays!) so there’s been very little else to do apart from think about, and occasionally write about, orcs. We’re now up to 68k words, the prologue has gone, and I think we’re approaching the final act.

The story is a massive piss-take, while also being a love-letter of sorts, to my beloved fantasy genre. It contains every trope you can imagine; from the golden-haired hero to the nefarious dark lord, to elves in forest and dwarves in mountains, to witches, wizards, trolls and unicorns. Speaking of unicorns…

The main protagonist of my story, however, is none of the characters mentioned above. This story is written from the point of view of a young orc called Gary, and his best mate, Frank. They find themselves, as the tropes of their world dictate, pulled from pillar to post across a fantasy-scape that leaves no cliché unturned (or subverted). This, ladies and gents, is what happens when you devour Gemmell, Eddings, Pratchett, Tolkien, Brooks, Jacques, Cornwell et al from a young age (while also developing a sarcastic-prick trait a mile wide).

But I like it. Sure, I get the feeling I might have gone a little “too Alex” with this one, but it’s only the first draft and it isn’t finished yet. Who knows how things will pan out?

Oh, and fun fact, my wife tagged me in this post this morning…

My reply was “are you f*cking kidding me?!”

For those keeping track, a similar thing happened a month after I finished writing Rock Zombie (still, by the way, in some sort of publishing-development hiatus) a story about a zombie and ghost coming from the same dead guy. Kel found a meme shortly after with damn near the same idea!

I’ve decided this demonstrates one of two things – I either have my finger on the pulse in an almost savant-like manner, or I have never had an original idea in my life.

Hopefully, there is enough unique humour and bastardisation of Latin to get me a pass with Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Orcs?! (The dark lord who dies in the very first chapter is called Dark Lord Dominus Tenebris III… translation… Dark Lord Lord of Darkness III. Pratchett, it is not! :-D) And if that isn’t enough, my world has a wall, no one has done that before, right? Look, I’m not messing around here… it’s called The Threshold… you have to cross it to get to the main highway… The Road of Trials.

Additional fun fact; I did something stupid today (I know!). One of my favourite podcasts is called The Failing Writer’s Podcast, and in their first episode of season 3, the fellas put a call out for anyone willing to send in the first three chapters of a work in progress. They haven’t decided what they will do with any they might pick…critique it? read it out? take the piss? review? Either way, I figured, sod it, why not? Nothing might come of it, but it will be fun to find out if I really have gone too Alex with this one. We’ll wait and see.

Anyway, so that’s what I’m up to. I expect to finish the first draft by the end of April. After that, who knows? If you’re working on something yourself, please let me know!

Thanks for reading.

The Book and the Blade | Albert The Great Australian Dragon | Reindeer Games | Pleased!

Ideas count as productivity, right?

The above tweet is not only a shining example of the kind of dazzlingly witty offering I make over on that strange platform but a fair indication of my state of mind. I am trying to write, but my brain is like a sack of cats floating along a river… some ideas are treading water, some are floundering, but there’s always one or two of the sharp-clawed little bastards clinging to the trouser leg of creativity. I am, in fact, writing almost every day and batting at a fairly decent average, but it seems quite difficult to remain focused, and I have absolutely no semblance of a routine whatsoever. I would love to be one of those sprightly people who leap out of bed at 5am, go for a walk, learn something new, and be creative all before the rest of the world wakes up, but… I am not.

If I was to wake up early, I would probably spend those extra hours mainlining coffee and giving my thumb a good stretch as I scroll through whatever unmissable, addictive bollocks happened on my phone throughout the night. God forbid I miss a Neil Gaiman tweet or yet another article from the British press about how much of a bitch Megan Markle supposedly is (Harry for king in case you’re wondering… just for the laughs and the apoplectic rage from posh English gammons. There would be top hats toppling and monocles a-poppin all over the place!)

And let’s take now for instance, this very moment as I type these words on my veranda on a cool morning while the neighbourhood dogs scream bloody murder, the lady next door roars at her children and the smell of frying bacon wafts over the rooftops… this is perfect for writing! So what am I doing? That’s right, tapping out this asinine nonsense instead of giving 100% to my latest work in progress. And do you know the reason? It’s because I’m scared. I am writing about my grandad, my hero, the shadow who has forever been with me since he left us 34 years ago. When you’re a little boy and your strong, quiet grandfather is a genuine war hero it leaves a mark on a kid. I’ve wanted to write his story since before I could read and now that I have five books being published in the next few years and THOUSANDS of words of practice behind me I am finally doing it. The working title, Shadows in the Sand, is fast approaching fifty thousand words but I have never been plagued by more doubt. I write horror stories… with a comedy twist… it seems wrong somehow to use this genre to write about the lived experiences of a soldier, of a man I care so deeply about. In fact, those are the paraphrased words of my own father when I first brought up the idea, but then dad said something else that really stuck with me… “I think Dad would appreciate the preservation of some of his experiences.” And my god, what experiences! The research has revealed stunning details, events and circumstances that just fly onto the page. I find myself writing in a mad fever and a few thousands words appear beneath my fingers as if by magic but then I get caught on a detail I MUST get right and I slow to a snail’s pace. On my best day with this novel, I wrote over five thousand words. Two days ago, I wrote 192. Yesterday, I had an idea.

That’s it, an idea. Just another cat scratching for attention, but I think it’s a good one.

And yet here I am, writing nonsense in a quiet corner of the internet instead of getting on with it.

What is it grandad used to say… “push on”.

Okay, the distractions are done with now, it’s time to take his advice.

Flibbertygibbets and jiggerypokery

A lot has happened in a short space of time so I thought I’d write a little post to let everyone know what the flibbertygibbets is going on.

– The Book and the Blade has a new release date – February 28th, 2023. I’ve known for quite a while that this was going to happen and I’ll be honest, I was gutted at first, but it is for the best. The reason is due to some jiggerpokery at the publishers that meant the original schedule couldn’t be kept. Not really a problem, my debut novel will still come out in my 40th year and I think that’s pretty cool.

– About that ‘debut novel’ thing. Well, The Book and the Blade might not end up being my debut after all. I still have a publisher interested in getting Rock Zombie into print… there’s a small chance it could happen before February, but who knows?

– I finished another book. This one is set where I live in Australia and is called The Last Witch in Brisbane. There is an uncomfortable number of people beta reading it for me. I’m scared.

– Speaking of other books, there are four Arthur Crazy stories in total and they are all complete. In fact, it’s really surreal to me that no one has read Arthur’s first adventure and I’ve finished a whole story arc!

– The cover for the second book will be announced sooner than you think and hopefully, the release of the four books will be more condensed than first planned.

– Each book will be available in eBook, hardback and paperback formats from pretty much anywhere you can buy books. There is also a possibility of an audiobook release but I’m not 100% on that just yet.

– Last but not least, following advice from people I really respect, I have delved into the young person’s world of TikTok. I don’t know what I’m doing and honestly, once I’ve waded past all the shiny young people waving their tits at the camera I feel more than a little uncomfortable being there… so I’m going about it with my usual sense of professionalism and attention to detail.

Oh, and I’m writing. In fact, I’m writing the story I’ve wanted to write since before I could read (🤔, but more on that later.

Cheers folks!

A few things…

There are now less than seven weeks to go until The Book and the Blade is released into the wild so I thought I’d write a little post in order to give some updates.

– pre-orders for the ebook are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Booktopia, Kobo and more

– pre-orders for hardback and paperback are available on the Parliament House Press website (though I think these are US only at the moment)

– there will be ebook, hardback and paperback available eventually but there are some fun issues in the publishing industry at the moment so physical copies might take a wee bit longer

– I forgot about the merchandise stuff… my bad… I’ll make sure shirts and whatnot are available for those who might like that sort of thing

– I have a marketing meeting at the beginning of August which is extraordinarily grown-up and I’ll have to try my best not to giggle like an idiot all the way through it

– there is a tenative venue for the book launch – Netherworld Arcade and Bar in Brisbane – but I’m not entirely sure when the launch will be. There isn’t really much point in doing a proper shindig unless I have physical books to flog so that is a work in progress. Also, the book is released on a Tuesday and I don’t think anyone will show up to an event in the city on a week night like that. The next available date is the following Sunday… which is 9/11… so that’s a solid no

– there are sequels… they are finished

– a very kind person invited me to speak at a small event in September because, and I quote, “you’re an author” and honestly, it took me a moment to realise they weren’t taking the piss!

– a good mate of mine who is a wonderfully talented photographer is going to take ‘author photos’ of me in August. It is going to be… chaotic. We were just about crying laughing coming up with ideas. Sure, I could take it seriously, or…

– I found out Lord Bezos and his Amazonian Algorithms are making books vanish from lists if they get less than four stars… so please, if you do review my little book, give it 4 or 5 stars on Amazon… and then 1 on Goodreads ;-D

– I’m writing again. Averaging a thousand words a day

– my mam is very proud of me… for now… she won’t be if she ever reads the bloody thing! 😀

How’s the writing going?

I get asked this a lot. It’s nice. It’s also a wee bit depressing when the answer is, has been, and will probably continue to be… it isn’t. I have a “work in progress” but instead of my usual all-consuming attacking the keyboard like a starving dog going at a bag of hot chips I’m more tapping out a single word here and there like an old man one-finger tapping his phone while in line at the chemist.

We’re all absolutely cream-crackered. Between covid, the flu, moving house, work, exams, sick kids, midnight hospital visits, frequent runs to the doctor, and general… life… there’s been little in the way of time left for writing. But it’s the school holidays now so maybe I can eek out some time to peer over the top of the old spectacles and tap out a word here and there?

But I do like the latest book… it’s set in Brisbane and follows a young man who finds out he is the last witch in the city… and I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen! Right now, he’s at Bunnings have a sausage in bread while a 400 year old Irish witch buys a drill to hollow out the femur of a dead kangaroo so they can use it as wand/divining rod of some sort. Honestly, I have no clue!

As for the upcoming release of The Book and the Blade (my first novel in case I haven’t mentioned this before 🤣) I have absolutely no idea what is happening there either. Publishing is great fun. It’s long periods of seemingly neverending silence followed by short but massive flurries of activity before falling back into silence. Right now, you could hear a fart at a funeral. But time is ticking. We are just over 2 months away from release!

Squeaky bum time!

Right, I think I’ll go to Bunnings and see if I can drum up some inspiration (or get a sausage, either way, it’ll be fun).

Cheers 🍻

[engaging headline to encourage people to read]

I’ve always been fascinated by regression… going back to those things we find comfort in particularly when times are hard. There’s a psychological basis for it I’m sure but I won’t pretend to know what I’m talking about there. For me, it’s as simple as comfort food, comfort tv and comfort books. Last week I got ill and found myself watching Danger Mouse then marathoning the Star Wars movies… because apparently, despite being forty (and falling apart) I have never actually grown up. The difficult thing for me this week, though, has been the fact that I have found it almost impossible to read for any length of time. I just can’t concentrate, I feel nauseous and it brings on a migraine. That has been horrible. As my sister-in-law affectionately (I think) called me when we first met, I’m… a fucking book reader. So being off work for a week (nightmare, I love my job) and not being able to read has been particularly shit.

DISCLAIMER: it is about a week since our little late night scramble to the hospital and I am feeling much better… but this post has taken the better part of an entire day to compose. Never mind the lack of focus, there are just too many awesome new episodes of Danger Mouse and Duck Tales to watch!

Despite being unable to read or concentrate for any great length of time, my brain hasn’t got the memo to switch off. I might be lethargic but – to abuse a quote from Messrs. Pratchett and Gaiman – my mind is…

… gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide

Good Omens

Being unable to “switch off” is both a blessing and a curse. When you’re in an Emergency Room at 330am and some fucker is watching cat videos on their phone without headphones and a televangelist is screaming at you from the tv while you’re trying to keep your brain from oozing out your ears and the rest of your insides on the inside, it is alarming how many variations of Middle-Aged Man Rampages in Waiting Room Because… headlines flit through your mind. This is why Stephen King writes horror, right? Because if he did any of the things in his head he’d be banged up quicker than Amber Heard trying to bring those dogs back to Australia. But the positive side is the ideas. A whole montage of what ifs flitting across the inside of my eyelids when I’m trying to rest. To a writer, they’re gold dust. But also… somewhat annoying. Kind of like Homer in The Simpsons episode where he communes with the animals and they just won’t leave him alone.

Scene from Homer the Heretic

So in this situation I retreat (regress… hide…) in the pages of my favourite book. Nation by Sir Terry Pratchett. It has to be the audiobook of course because the words make my eyes swim and my belly attempt a flop without a pool, but thankfully the narration by Stephen Briggs is superb. The strange thing about this book, however, is that it is not a childhood favourite. I had never even heard of it until I was in my 30s, but magic doesn’t give a shit about age and Nation is pure magic.

In fact, this post was supposed to be a book review.

(Note to self – having ideas is good. Writing them down is better.)

I had intended to write a series of reviews about my favourite books and what they mean to me – this was supposed to be the first – but as I’ve already waffled on for a small eternity and only just mentioned the damn thing I think I’ll end it here and try again when I feel better.

And anyway, that last season of Duck Tales isn’t going to watch itself.

So, erm, yeah… Nation by Terry Pratchett. It’s really good. 5 nitrous monkeys out of 5.

🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒

Nation by Sir Terry Pratchett. Read by Stephen Briggs.

What the hell am I going to call this post?

All Hail Emperor Bezos and Bow Down Before the Amazon Overlords!

There is no getting around it. Very soon I will have to get on my knees like everyone else in the world and beg for scraps at the feet of Emperor Bezos. As much as I would love The Book and the Blade to be 100% indie… only available in small shops with quirky cafes and book sellers who double as baristas, or perhaps even in unique little corners of the internet on websites run by enthusiastic book bloggers, I will still need to play The Amazon Game!

3(0) is the magic number! Yes it is, it’s the magic number!

– 30 reviews gets your book noticed by Amazon’s algorithms (Wizards. Wizards sounds cooler.)

– reviews get you onto lists

– lists get you exposure

Lists like these…

Having not released the book yet it is no surprise I’m floundering at the very bottom

But then there’s the strange caveat that reviews from people you know sometimes disappear. I’ve seen this with author friends and there are many indie authors on Twitter who testify to the same thing… any reviews they have which may be linked to, say, people on their Facebook friends list, can mysteriously vanish. Forget algorithms and wizards, that is the work of Amazon’s Dark Overlords!

(A smidge dramatic? Maybe.)

This doesn’t always happen but it has occurred enough times for it to be “a thing” for indie authors.

I don’t know how it will play out for The Book and the Blade but I do ask (and will repeatedly beg) that if you do read my little book, please leave a review. They might vanish into the ether, they might not. Either way, all interaction makes a huge difference. Perhaps together we can unite and overthrow the overlords? And they don’t have to be complex reviews or even analyse the story in any way. They just have to exist.

Here’s a few examples…

***** Excellent cover

I.P. Freely

***** Interesting title

Ivana Tinkle

***** It’s a book

My mate Mitchell

***** Looks great on my shelf

Seymour Butts

***** That bit with the cat was funny

Al Coholic

***** It’s not that shit

Oliver Klozoff

Thanks for reading!

I will eviscerate you in fiction!

Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.

Geoffrey Chaucer (sort of)

One of the fun things about writing a book you think pretty much no one will read is putting all your friends and family in there and ending their lives in new and imaginative ways. Not in a ‘secret serial killer’ kind of way you understand, more in a ‘hey lads, won’t this be a laugh?’ kind of way. But when said book bizarrely comes to the verge of publication all those funny little in-jokes and tragic ends suddenly seem a little… odd. What is perhaps even more strange is calling your friends and asking them for permission to end their lives.

So, chaps. I wrote a book. It’s getting published. You’re all kind of in it. Some of you for longer than others. Are you all cool with me using your names? And, well, killing you?

Thankfully, I am blessed with excellent friends. Perhaps my favourite reply was this one…

“Anyway man, can I please use your full name in a short scene where you get brutally torn apart by a…” “If you don’t use my full name, I’ll kill you”

What a legend! And they’re all the same. Everyone said yes. So friends and family are-quite literally in some places-littered throughout the books. What is interesting, however, is that I never once chose the name of a person I dislike (there aren’t that many people to be fair, but my Yorkshire-based stories leave little room for Donalds and Vladimirs. Perhaps I should have used Boris the bumbling oaf somewhere though?)

When Paul Bettany-in his excellent portrayal of Geoffrey Chaucer in A Knight’s Tale (loosely based on The Canterbury Tales)-hissed the wonderful insult,

I will eviscerate you in fiction!

he was going after the rogues and scoundrels. When I do it, I’m going after my friends.

Read into that what you will.

So when these books do eventually come out and you’re sitting there having a little read witnessing a particularly gruesome death (an evisceration perhaps?) Just think, that’s someone I love. And they don’t deserve it at all.

It’s a funny old world.